Adopted child

[manzelli]

My sister died prematurely in a dug and alcohol related death. At the time of her death, she was the single parent of a little boy. When he was almost 5, my husband and I adopted him.

His start in life had already been rough. At 3 months, my sister felt the need to place him in an adoption home. At 4 months, his father took him out of that home, and tried to raise him alone until he as about 11 months. As young parents, they attempted marriage. It failed. Addiction was involved. Again, my nephew was not secure. His father then disappeared permanently.

His early years with us were loving, stable and secure. When he was 8, we had a birth child of our own. This seemed to be where his life began to unravel. Though he was a loving big brother, he was threatened by the natural child.

There is a very long story yet to tell, but today he is married and in many ways thriving except he continues to rage, especially at my husband and I when he is feeling he's not getting the same kind of love he perceives his brother receives.
He also rages when he drinks heavily.

I am trying to lean on the advice I find in books and web site tools. It has helped. My main challenge is to have a Christmas without drama or rage.

I am all ears.
Thanks,

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Manzelli

Welcome to bpdfamily.   I'm glad you've joined us here, you'll find great support from members and a wealth of resources on the site.

I'm so sorry you lost your sister   and glad you've been able to provide your son a loving home.

With Christmas almost here you'll find many parents thinking ahead and planning how to have a peaceful Christmas without drama or rage.  Is this common behaviour at family gatherings, does it happen every time?  How do you normally spend your Christmas as a family? Some members suggest changing the venue to a public place or shortening the length of visit, introducing new activities, keeping it focused.

What tools have you tried so far, are you familiar with any to the right of your screen?  

We look forward to hearing from you.

WDx