My 33 year old adult daughter has been estranged for 22 months

[Jame’slife]

My daughter had a father who had BPD. I divorced her father when she was 3, but BPD has grown with her over the years. She became the tornado in our family Over the years, but somehow after marrying a very young man whom she only spent 10 physical days with; she became a hurricane. She went to an island, met him. She went back to spend a week with him, and three months later she went back and married him. I’m remarried and she has a sister 9.5 years her junior. We did not support her dicission for numerous reasons. She flipped bad boyfriends like pancakes, so we were not going to provide an island wedding at that time. We asked her to wait a year, and then we would all go and have a wedding. Prior to this  her younger sister had gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 3.5 years. We also thought that may have helped in her hasty marriage; her younger sister marrying before her. Needless to say, she got pregnant as soon as she got her husband to the US. We love our son in law. He did not know the person he married. The baby came, they stayed with us due to pregnancy complications and it was the most stressful drama. When she went back to work we helped care for our granddaughter. My home was a hurricane with my daughter running it! Finally, we had a blowout and I screamed she needed to get help. I went to my room, slammed the door, and I have not seen her since that cold February morning. All of us reached out to her. My husband was very close to her. Her biological father was not in the picture at the time. He was very mentally ill, so it was best he was not active in her later life. He did become a part of her life after the baby was born. He did not know she had married or had a baby. Anyways, he died 6 months after reconnecting with her. I tried to reach out to her and she refused. She’s been gone from us for almost two years, and everyday my heart aches. Now she’s going through a divorce, so we get to see our granddaughter through our son in law. She gaslights like crazy, projects, and I’m pretty sure she’s had at least one affair. I did find a great therapist that works with people who suffer from BPD. It is helping me to understand why our daughter has been the tornado. We love her so much, but now that I understand her illness, I refuse to allow her to blame me for everything. Right now she blames me for her divorce. My little granddaughter has to live through her mothet’s Irrational behaviors. I could write s book on what a two year old has already witnessed. Well there’s part of my story. I pray for all of the people who suffer from BPD and all the others it impacts. My younger daughter had to go to therapy and has mourned the loss of her sister. My husband worries about our granddaughter and me; I think he gave up on the idea of our daughter ever getting better. She’s attacked him through text messages. He never responds with anger.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mggt]

So sorry to hear this.  Our bp d are so stressful and hurtful especially when there is a grandbaby involved .  My only advice is to hang on a little bit longer and maybe she will come around.  Our situations are similar my d now has 2 kids 2 different fathers.  She has lived with us off and on many times and it was a complete disaster.  The hurtful things she has done and accused us of are disgusting .  They really dont know what they are doing but it doesnt make it hurt any less.  We see our grandchildren weekly i BABYSIT 2 DAYS a week but that could change in a minute . We were nc for allmost a year and nearly killed me and my husband.  Stay stronge and Im glad you are seeing your gd