I think my husband has BPD

[Dreamer5]

He everyone... .I think my spouse has BPD. my spouse recently stopped taking meds that he'd been on for 5 years for depression. We've been married close to 18 years and have always attributed his emotional behavior to depression. Recently while describing some of his behaviors to my therapist , whom I've been seeing to try to figure out how to cope with his depression ... .suggested to me that I read about BPD. Well a light went off when I read up on BPD. All this time I thought his angry rants , temper tantrums, inability to let go of things, were depression symptoms. I believe he also suffers from depression but there personality traits that are definitely more in line with BPD. To my knowledge he has no awareness of BPD and right now we are going through a rough patch. He is very sensitive right now and I am trying to figure out how I went all these years just accepting, covering up for and making excuses for his behavior.
Glad I found this group I need to communicate with people who can relate.
Thanks

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Dreamer5,



Sorry to hear about you and your spouse's struggles, but glad you found the community here! I know it has made a big difference for me being able to have this kind of support. The more you post, share, comment on other posts, do the workshops, and read here and elsewhere the more we'll all benefit from having an engaged and active community here.

Do you have any idea why he is particularly sensitive at this time? Is your therapist helping you to understand your own behaviors in relation to all of this? What are you learning via that if I may ask?

wishing you well, pearlsw.

[Radcliff]

Welcome Dreamer5!  I found out about BPD after almost exactly 18 years of marriage as well.  This is a good community.  I'd encourage you to become a regular here to learn and get support.  Take a look at the resources in the right sidebar to start learning how you can more effectively cope.  There is a huge array of learning material on this site.  But I also don't think there's a substitute for sitting down and getting comfortable with a book.  The classic is "Stop Walking on Eggshells."  I think it would be a great help in orienting you to the BPD world.

Best,

WW

[Dreamer5]

Thanks WW. I am definitely reading as much as possible and trying to figure out how I can get him to see someone so that he can be properly diagnosed . I am reasing the book now that you referenced . It is certainly eye opening. I can't believe I just ignored / accepted / covers up for his behavior for so long. I just figured it was his emotional upbringing. His mom and step dads . She was married 3 times... .Didn't support anything he did. I don't know if that's where it stemmed from but I just accepted that he had emotional problems because of this. In turn I protected my children from
His negativity and ranting but in doing so he blames me for never being supportive of him. What a tangled web we've weaves in these 18 years .

[Radcliff]

Dreamer5, it is indeed a tangled web!  But you are starting to untangle it!  Once we start to realize what's going on, it's sobering to realize how many years we were in the dark for.  But the light is starting to shine, and things can get better.

What has been the most useful part of Eggshells for you so far?

WW