BPD Wife

[Rizz]

Hi All,

My spouse is recently diagnose with BPD. Before this, she was dianogse with anxiety for a couple of years but our relationship have been up and down for many years. She alaways keep telling me that she has no lifes and frends and wanted a divorce because she felt empty. But sometime, she is all over me and told me that she only love me alone and just need me in her life. For weeks she will be that lovely wife and suddenly she could change into someone that wanted a divorce again. She will push me away and told me that she feel tired and want to leave the world. I know this is not the real her as she is a loving person when I first met her 15yrs ago.

I believe this is part of the BPD cycle,my question here is how do you pull your wife back to her sense when she is having a relaspe. I love her so much and can’t bear to let her go from my life but this episode always cause me so much pain. I keep telling her that its her BPD which making her feel this way but she doesn’t want to acknowledge it. So if there are anyone here or even a BPD person who knows how to pull her back to her sense, pls share with me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Qman]

Hello Rizz, I was in this same position a few months ago, before I found this site. There is not too much you can do to “fix” the situation - you can’t be responsible for her feelings, that’s up to her. My gf with BPD really hates it when I mention her BPD in an argument - it’s not so helpful.

One thing that helped me a lot on here was the information on validating/invalidating. I was invalidating a LOT, which was making things much worse.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome Rizz

I'm sorry that you are feeling so much hurt from your relationship. Has she ever left before when she says she wants a divorce?

We have great lessons on the right side of the page that might help you find new ways of communicating with your wife. They can help you diffuse the situation and allow you to find a place of emotional balance in the midst of her chaos. The Tools; communication validation and reinforcement of good behavior might help.

I'd like to second what Qman said. Sometimes our pwBPD just needs to know that we are really hearing them and validation is a great way to practice that.