Am I being stung along?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My girlfriend is in her 40's has many of the traits of BPD, but has not been officially diagnosed. We have been together for about 5 years. In all that time she has shown no interest in staying overnight, unless it's for sex. In fact we have almost no contact during the week, other than a mere 20 min phone call late at night (we only live 10 mins from each other). I can't understand how she can go from being super affectionate on the weekends, to having no need to see me throughout the week. Her excuse is that she needs space from the relationship fo the remainder of the week, which I believe she is being truthful about. Also, one big issue she has with me, is that I refuse to financially pay her way through life.

She says she loves me and wants to be with me, but her actions -- especially after all the years we've been together -- don't seem to match up to her words. Is this part of her disorder, or is she attempting to string me along until she finds someone better?

[nevereverends]

My girlfriend is in her 40's has many of the traits of BPD, but has not been officially diagnosed. We have been together for about 5 years. In all that time she has shown no interest in staying overnight, unless it's for sex. In fact we have almost no contact during the week, other than a mere 20 min phone call late at night (we only live 10 mins from each other). I can't understand how she can go from being super affectionate on the weekends, to having no need to see me throughout the week. Her excuse is that she needs space from the relationship fo the remainder of the week, which I believe she is being truthful about. Also, one big issue she has with me, is that I refuse to financially pay her way through life.

She says she loves me and wants to be with me, but her actions -- especially after all the years we've been together -- don't seem to match up to her words. Is this part of her disorder, or is she attempting to string me along until she finds someone better?

[juju2]

Hi,
One of the things i have learned from this board, is meet them where they are at.  For me, that means not trying to get everything i need from my relationship.  Its better for me if i focus on myself.  That way, i take pressure off of the relationship to be my everything, which is needy and draining. 

In my relationship, which is probably gone forever, idk, after 10 yrs, we are in counseling, and he is seeing others, and i was enmeshed, which can happen i am reading here.  The healthier i can be, it helps.  I am finding a lot out now, and i hope it isnt too late.  j

There is a lot of great information on this website and these people who are dealing with some of the same things i am dealing with.

[nevereverends]

Hi,
One of the things i have learned from this board, is meet them where they are at.  For me, that means not trying to get everything i need from my relationship.  Its better for me if i focus on myself.  That way, i take pressure off of the relationship to be my everything, which is needy and draining. 

In my relationship, which is probably gone forever, idk, after 10 yrs, we are in counseling, and he is seeing others, and i was enmeshed, which can happen i am reading here.  The healthier i can be, it helps.  I am finding a lot out now, and i hope it isnt too late.  j

There is a lot of great information on this website and these people who are dealing with some of the same things i am dealing with.

I agree with you. I wouldn't have such a hard time wrapping my head around this if she came out and said she only wants a casual relationship at the moment and would let me see other women. Considering we no longer see each other mid-week, that she keeps her life mostly private from me, that I've never been introduced to the few friends she has, that if there's an invitation she usually goes by herself, and that it seems she wants to hang out with me when it's convenient for her. All of that is perfectly fine. However, she shouldn't insist that I help her out financially, that I spend my free time renovating her house, and then take her on all-paid vacations. I've said "no" to her on each request, as these demands are not what I consider part of what is expected in a casual relationship. The problem is, tells me she's in a serious relationship with me. Even worse, she blows up and then starts questioning my commitment to the relationship. IMHO, one can not walk around pretending to be single, and at the same time expect all the benefits that come from marriage. I have trouble understanding why a mature woman would expect these things without any offering any serious commitment from from herself?