what role does a psychologist play in assisting BPD daughter

[Lily2]

Thanks for your feedback. My daughter is frustrated and says that she just talks to her psychologist with no tools being offered to help with anything.  The psychologist keeps saying that it takes time to get to know her. My daughter feels that she has seen her for 5 sessions with no direction.  This seems to be a pattern over years that she changes professionals as she feels no one is helping her.  What should she expect? Is there a plan/process? I would appreciate your thoughts, many thanks and happy new year... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Lily2

Welcome 

What kind of therapy is the therapist practising?

WDx

[Brave Momma]

Hi there,

My DD also switches around stating that "no one" offers anything that can help.  I think this is part of the process they BPD's go through... .how old is she? and is the therapist able to speak to you?  I would be curious what therapist has to say.

 I know that our daughter's therapist was giving her tools but our daughter said that they won't work... .basically not taking any advice or trying/using tools that can help her.  She is just barely 18 so thinks she knows everything and is not going to therapy now.  I am waiting for her to mature a bit and use what she has learned or decides to go back to therapy. 

She is living with a boyfriend and seeking her independence at the moment - making poor decisions which we do not support.  So, we just wait... .and not supporting her in any way.  It is extremely hard and heartbreaking but not a thing we can do about it right now.  We do offer emotional support and sometimes food, but that is about it.  Just saying prayers and researching BPD which is becoming more clear that she has this... .it was diagnosed as "BPD traits" as she was under 18 but seeing it more now with choices she is making.

I know DBT has been known to be very helpful.  Good luck and know we are here for support. 

Brave Momma

[beady]

My uBPDD33 has seen both private and public psychologists and psychiatrists. She says both have failed her. She has been to see the psychologist I have seen myself for therapy and advice, and I feel this is her last hope for help. If she is unhappy with the outcome from her appointment with this psychologist, I don't know what will be left for her to try. I think my daughter's problem is that she is not finding that the people she has seen agrees with her perspective on her life's situation. I think she felt that if she saw these people, they would resoundingly agree that she was mistreated by us and that we are to blame for all of her life's woes, which is ,of course, not the truth. I feel this all is part of the BPD personality. Until they see the truth of the situation, it won't matter who they see, it won't work out.

[Brave Momma]

Beady,

I think you hit the nail on the head; if professionals question the BPD's behavior, then they don't continue to see them.  Until they realize that their choices are creating a life that they are unhappy with, no therapist, psychologist will be able to help.  That is just my thought.  I do know that after some research, I found a therapist that specializes in BPD.  I have her info, but waiting for my daughter to come around and hopefully she will see her.  A therapist that gets BPD may have a totally different approach knowing their personality traits and how they "think", etc... .

Maybe you could find a professional that is very knowledgeable about BPD. Hang in there!

[Gorges]

This is such a good question and one that we have struggled with.  The problem is that often the therapist goes down a rabbit hole of listening and validating their client's perspective.  The hour is up and nothing new was offered but actually the dysfunction seems to get further validated.  For myself, I have found that a DBT group is the best.  The group is almost like a class so tools get taught and then the members of the group try to use the tools in between meetings.  This keeps things structured and there are fewer rabbit holes to go down.