Married 34 years to BPD wife worse each new year

[AlwaysWrong55]

Hi am nearing the end of my rope after many years 30+ of marriage to the love of my life who has been progressively getting worse with her BPD symptoms to where I need real help to cope with besides constant daily prayer. Every year around holidays she becomes out of her mind almost with anger towards anyone who she sees as having done or said anything she sees as negatively directed at her with me as the primary target as ruining her life even to the point of blaming me for her skin cancer from tanning every summer by our pool to causing her to lose her job she loved that she quit, to not being able to pay off our home mortgage yet after 14 years (despite having moved from 4 other homes because she was unhappy) and so I cannot afford to buy her a beach house! She claims she hates me, wishes I was dead (and says you'll never die in extreme anger) and the same words about my mother and even her own mother!  She refuses to share a bed or bedroom with me and blames me for being selfish and doing nothing to help her.  She has thrown my clothes out in the yard to be rained on - punched me in the face when I had made a wrong turn while driving on vacation just to name a few things. Screamed at me to get out of the house and when I did immediately phoned me to get back so she could continue her raging tirade or she would throw all my clothes outside. She then would tell me later that made her feel better! And sometimes she would explain a day later she was sorry for being "hyper" only in the same sentence add, "but you are to blame as I was happy before I married you! She was married to her first husband and had two small children when I met and the married her. We then had a daughter together who has had issues and my stepdaughter has a lot of similar tendancies. My stepson has a great successful career but is 39 and single as he cannot keep a relationship. I need some guidance as I am afraid to retire and am 63 as just being around her during evenings and weekends is horrible now!

[formflier]

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time in your relationship.  I want to assure you bpdfamily is a place where you can learn strategies to help calm your relationship and your life... .even if you wife doesn't want to help.

How does that sound?


I would encourage you to start by looking to the right side of your screen and click on "choosing a path".  Spend some time reading through there and take notes on any questions you have.

Come back and post your questions, we can help you from there.

Life can get better... .are you ready to start that journey?

FF

[5xFive]

Hi AlwaysWrong55,
I can read the pain in your post and I am so sorry that you’re struggling. The tools on this website are so helpful and the people here are knowledgeable and kind. You’ve come to the right place for support! Welcome.

[AlwaysWrong55]

Thanks so much for your kind, welcoming words to me. I appreciate very much.

[Greencane]

WELCOME!

I, too, am sorry for all of the pain that you're going through. You're in the right place, though. This site keeps me from feeling alone, crazy, unbalanced, and directionless. I hope being part of this community will be helpful.