Longest Divorce Ever

[Hondo]

Hi... .First post.  Didnt even know what BPD was until Wednesday.  I was in therapy to discuss co-parenting with my ex again! She bailed and I was alone.  The therapist suggested I read "Stop Walking on Eggshells"  Wow! This is my life!
There were parts of the book I cried.  I thought I was going crazy.  I am hoping that therapy will help her but I dont know if she will continue if there is a diagnosis.  We have 4 kids and very busy schedules.  I moved out 5 years ago and tried at one point to reconcile but her actions didn't match what she said.  Whenever I called her out she would bring up something I did or the fact that I moved out.
This still goes on... .I have tried to move forward but she then makes life absolutely difficult co-parenting or professes her love and that I am the most important thing in her life.  Then goes dating other people... .Like I said actions dont match words. 

After reading the book... .I feel like maybe I am not crazy... .

[Panda39]

Welcome Hondo,

 

You are most definitely not alone.   

Everyone here has someone in their lives with BPD or BPD traits, we all get it.  I'm on this site because my Significant Other (SO) has an undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) and they share 2 daughters.  I discovered BPD by Googling Chronic Lying and in our case like yours the shoe fit.  Then I hit my Public Library and started reading.  I landed here a few years later.  The members here are really great for support and ideas and the site has a lot of tools and information.

Can you give us an idea about where things stand with your marriage currently?  It sounds like you have been separated the last 5 years and you are both attending Therapy.  How old are your kids?  What does custody look like?  What in particular are you struggling with most?

I'm glad you decided to jump in an post and no you are NOT CRAZY!   

Take Care,
Panda39

[Turkish]

What's the custody schedule,  and how are the kids doing?

[ForeverDad]

Everyone's story is a little different but not by much!  So many behaviors are consistently inconsistent that we've often commented that there must be some secret BPD 101 manual out there.   A couple thousand years ago someone observed, By their fruits you will know them.

While we can't predict every action, the patterns are often obvious once we identify them.  Feel free to browse and learn.  We also mention and review quite a few books.  Your ex has an obvious overall strategy.  Once you gain insight into improved skills, stronger boundaries and practical strategies, you will be better able to address her blatant and subtle attacks.  With education, growing insight and peer support you'll find that you can make more informed and more confident decisions.

The Learning Center section of our menu of boards includes boards focused on books, articles, strategies, skills and approaches.  Books such as Bill Eddy's Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder is essential for our court cases.  Henry Cloud's Boundaries is excellent for handling contact with ex going forward.  Richard Warshak's Divorce Poison focuses on the impact on kids.  If alienation is a problem then Dr Craig Childress has a blog which describes alienation as a form of child abuse, an approach viewed as more acceptable than prior attempts.