Daughter attempted suicide

[Parents! Get help here!]

My step-daughter that is diagnosed with bi-polar and BPD tried to commit suicide two weekends ago because her boyfriend broke up with her. She found every single pill in our house and took it. I mean everything she took. We didn't know she was going to attempt suicide. She did it while we were asleep. My husband found her in her room with vomit everywhere. I guess her body did its best trying to get rid of the meds. She was in the hospital most of the day. She had to drink charcoal and they had to make sure her organs were going to be okay, they released her to a psych hospital. She has been there for about two weeks now. Since she has been in the hospital, we have found out she was using almost every drug you can think of and blames her ex-boyfriend for that.  Also, since being in the psych hospital, she started a relationship with another patient and has been separated from him. During this whole time, she hasn't even tried to work on herself and heal. She just keeps saying she isn't going to come back and live with us again. She blames my husband for pretty much everything. She is now saying she is going to a halfway house when she gets released from the hospital. Does anyone have experience with halfway homes? I have no experience with them and if anyone has information about them, please share. We want her to go to an intensive therapy program we found that is about 8 weeks.long But she has no interest in getting better or help. She just wants to be with the guy she met in the psych hospital.

[frustratedmum]

My step-daughter that is diagnosed with bi-polar and BPD tried to commit suicide two weekends ago because her boyfriend broke up with her. She found every single pill in our house and took it. I mean everything she took. We didn't know she was going to attempt suicide. She did it while we were asleep. My husband found her in her room with vomit everywhere. I guess her body did its best trying to get rid of the meds. She was in the hospital most of the day. She had to drink charcoal and they had to make sure her organs were going to be okay, they released her to a psych hospital. She has been there for about two weeks now. Since she has been in the hospital, we have found out she was using almost every drug you can think of and blames her ex-boyfriend for that.  Also, since being in the psych hospital, she started a relationship with another patient and has been separated from him. During this whole time, she hasn't even tried to work on herself and heal. She just keeps saying she isn't going to come back and live with us again. She blames my husband for pretty much everything. She is now saying she is going to a halfway house when she gets released from the hospital. Does anyone have experience with halfway homes? I have no experience with them and if anyone has information about them, please share. We want her to go to an intensive therapy program we found that is about 8 weeks.long But she has no interest in getting better or help. She just wants to be with the guy she met in the psych hospital.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[KS22]

I am so very sorry for what you are going through.  This is a lot to endure.  I am sorry your daughter doesn’t want to get better.  I don’t have experience with halfway houses, but I have gone through suicide attempt and hospitalization.  It is terrifying and not very helpful.  Other than keeping them alive, no real change happens.  My child has also rejected all accountability and attempts at therapy.  I just want to encourage you that there is only so much you can do.  You sound like incredible loving parents and you are fighting for her.   Keep it up, but know you can only control your part... .she has to own hers.  I recently accepted this brutal and painful truth.  Praying she will decide to get help. ❤️

[frustratedmum]

Thank you @KS22. She has now decided that once she gets out of the psych hospital she wants to go live somewhere else. I am not sure yet where she is going... .it changes often. One day, she said she is going to a women's shelter, the next someone's home. Its all so frustrating. I just wish she would see what she is doing to the family and how this affects us all. She has no ownership at all in what she did. She just keeps making excuses to not come and live with us anymore. We did try our very best for her. And if she did come back home to us, we would make sure to put her in the best therapy, but at this point i believe she has no interest in helping herself. Sometimes, i guess we just have to let her go and see what happens next. We have no intentions of supporting her financially if she is not living with us. That is one of our rules. We just pray that nothing bad will happen to her once she is released. We have a family therapy session tomorrow at the hospital to discuss what her plan is once she is released. I am hoping all goes well.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Frustratedmum, 

I'm so glad that you have come to join us and share your burdens with others who can relate. It is a unique situation that not many can fully understand. Some hugs for you. 

While she does not have BPD, my D29 struggles greatly with emotional disregulation (I fear she takes after my uBPDm). She has been suicidal several times, and it is a frightening experience, one which caused me to feel rather hopeless, even though we also felt we had done all we could. I can only imagine the feelings going through you.

I don't have experience with halfway homes, but perhaps some of the other members will be able to pitch in with their thoughts. I do have a couple of links that I hope might be helpful to you and bring some encouragement.

Get Someone into Therapy

Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating

There is also a great list to the right hand side of this board. Anything you click on will open up with more info.

 
Wools

[bluek9]

Hi Frustratedmum, I can speak to the half way houses. My BPDD got clean from meth in 2009, she spent 30 days in house treatment(which my insurance paid for thankfully). When we went to the last day of therapy and graduation I told her she could not come home. That meant halfway houses. Oh my gosh, in the state of Arizona where we were at the time, I've never seen such icky depressing places! And of course they are not free. Every one she went to was at least $100.00 week, and share a room with a stranger, share the house and kitchen and everybody ate everybody else food. In the course of a year she moved no less than 7 times. It was always something, nobody liked her, they took her stuff, they talked about her and on and on... .
   I know this sounds like a nightmare, it was. I'm very sure that there are good places out there, and that they do work; just not for a BPD, at least not my BPD. When she finally ended up coming home I had to drive over an hour to get to where she was and then found out she owed $300.00 to the house manager. I had to throw away all her clothes, bedding and personal items because it was all infected with bed bugs. Yuk.
    I really don't mean to be a downer, do your homework before she goes in to a place, they all have requirements and fine print. And they all hold the individual accountable for their actions, so what I read in your post is that she doesn't do this. It may end up having negative consequences for her.
    What you said about her not being able to see the effect she is having on the family is so true. My daughter can never see the damage or the harsh out come of some of her behaviors, I really believe she does not have the capacity to. I have had to learn to let go of that, I can't MAKE her be or take responsibility for her actions, I don't have that power. What I can do is forgive and see her in a different light, in her brain, in her world she suffers, I will never be able to truly feel her pain. I can always count on my mothers love to continue to show her empathy, support and unconditional love(even if she doesn't know how to see it).
    I send you my support and total empathy for what you're enduring in the name of love for a child. The fact that you worry, show concern and offer repeatedly therapy help makes you VERY STRONG. Hold on to hope Frustratedmum. We all here for you.

[bluek9]

Frustratedmum, hi I just wanted to check back in with you, see how you're doing? How did the meeting go? Was there anything positive decided? Just want to let you know we are here to support you and encourage in no matter what the decisions are. Hope to hear from you soon