My adult daughter has BPD and possibly narcissistic personality.

[Free spirit]

My daughter has always been difficult. Only recently, she has particularly attacking toward me in a significant verbal way. My husband passed away, get stepfather a few months back and she has not accepted my New relationship which started prior to his passing. My husband had been handicapped for years and before I started dating my present partner, I had asked my husband several times if he understood and was ok with my dating. He seemed grateful that I had someone. I remained dedicated to my husband until his passing. My daughter found out and has been abusive toward me.Though I have always been empathetic and dedicated to her, she sees me as betraying her and not prioritizing her which is not the case. It is far more complicated but this is my starting point. She has said terribly untrue things about me , attacking my character. When she came to attend the funeral, she had temper tantrums including screaming, slamming doors, wearing earphones to block out others and crying. She had a huge fight with her brother, threatening that she would never speak with him again. She baits us and pulls us in. At other times, she can be incredibly sweet. Her own personal life has been filled with drama and she seems to cling to dysfunctional relationships. I have been trying to lovingly distance myself from her for my own protectusince I find her to be so hurtful but I love her and miss the sweeter part of her personality. She is highly successful in her career and as. Public figure, she had a large following and presents with charisma and charm. She is.bright and engaging with people she is not close with. I am here for support and guidance since she is very challenging.My daughter lives on the west coast and I live on the east coast. She is 38 years old.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Free Spirit, welcome.

So sorry to read of the problems that you are experiencing with your daughter, it must be really difficult for you.

You say that your daughter hasn’t accepted your new husband and was abusive towards you when she found out that you were seeing your new husband prior to the death of your first husband (her father). It must be really hard for you to hear that after everything that you did for your dying husband, you did your best for him and you didn’t desert him. Your daughter sees it as a betrayal, she is grieving the father that she has just lost and she is hurt, she doesn’t know how to handle it so she takes it out on you.

You are doing the best thing for you by distancing yourself from her. As you say, you need to protect yourself, you also need to take care of yourself. What do you think you would want your relationship with your daughter to look like?

Is your daughter diagnosed?

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Free Spirit, 

Welcome to our online family! 

 Feeling Better has given you some great thoughts. I agree that you need to have some space and distance yourself in order to get stronger and heal from the woundings. It doesn't matter whether the pwBPD is our child, spouse, or parent. It is tough to know how to relate to them. Those of us who have lived with a pwBPD understand what life is like behind the view of the world that others see. Those that grasp the truth the best are those who really know. We understand here and want to encourage you to keep learning as much as you can.

What books have you read about BPD?

 
Wools