She’s a mom now

[Iloveher]

Well my daughter was diagnosed about 4 years ago.  She was treated with DBT and group therapy at a very good hospital until the insurance company said they would no longer support the treatment because she wasn’t suicidal any more.   She felt abandoned at that time. 

When she turned 19 she got pregnant which was actually surprisingly a Godsend as she quit smoking pot, quit drinking and stopped getting arrested.  She turned into a great mom and for 2 1/2 years she lived with her boyfriend and our granddaughter. 

Then she got involved with a get rich quick financial counseling company and stopped working at her paying job.  She and her boyfriend began arguing a lot and she would come home and drink and bagger and belittle him because she was stressed out and was only making money from Uber at night while he worked during the day.  I don’t know all the facts but he left her, they almost got evicted until her tax return came in and she got arrested 2 more times for pot in Tennessee and a DUI here in town.  The only reason we bailed her out these two times was because she had to take care of the baby during the day while the daddy worked. 

She finally realized she couldn’t take care of our granddaughter and gave her to the baby daddy.  We are helping pay for daycare now so he won’t lose his job.  Until hopefully she gets better again  but now she is pregnant again and quit her meds cold turkey.  Yesterday she finally went to her doctors and is taking celexa.  I hope it helps her.

I’m reading Stop Walking on Eggshells to refresh myself on the skills I learned from the Family group therapy we went through.   Now I’m worried about how she may treat or be treating our granddaughter going forward.  And I read about BPDcenteal which led me here.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomMae]

Welcome to the parent's forum, Iloveher, I am so glad you have joined us.  I am sorry that your daughter as relapsed with her BPD symptoms, I understand how difficult it must be for you particularly with a wee granddaughter involved and another child on the way.  Your daughter obviously wants to do what is best for her developing baby, it seems she got her life in order for the first one, and is maybe trying to do the same by recently quitting her meds with this pregnancy.  I am glad to hear that she went to see her doctor, who would be best to know if the benefits outweigh the risks when it comes to prescribed medication.

The good news is that you know that your daughter is capable of taking care of herself and managing her own life as she did with her first pregnancy and baby.  So at least you know that there is hope of her returning to being more responsible and she too, will know that she is capable of this since she has already lived it.  All these things are good, and hopeful.

Since until recently you had a prolonged period of relative calm, as you say, it is a good idea to refresh yourself on the skills.  Along with reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, the links on the right hand side of this page are an excellent place to start doing that 

I hope that you will continue to post, Iloveher.  We all learn so much from each other here and the support we give and receive really can give us strength and hope.  None of us need to do this alone.     MomMae

[Iloveher]

My daughter and granddaughter are well at this moment.  My daughter gave my granddaughter to the baby's daddy for a month until she got her medicine and emotions stabilized.  I can't say she's completely anger free but we've gone 3 whole days without an altercation!  Yippee!  She plans to take the baby on April 1 and keep her during the week and drop her off at the baby daddy's on the weekends. 

Pregnancy I believe has kept her from committing suicide.  She's still in a major depression, but is able to get some things done during the day.  I think the celexa may be working.  We take it one day at a time.

I'm attending Family Connections on Wednesday nights and we just got started on being Mindful.  I hope to practice not only with my daughter but for myself and at work.  If anyone else hasn't taken this class I highly recommend it!

One day at a time!

[Merlot]

Hi Iloveher

Glad you came back to share. It sounds like things are stable. The baby's father seems committed to his child and it is obviously giving your daughter some space to focus on herself and the pregnancy.

Good on you for progressing with avtivities that will help you both.

Take care and keep coming.
 
Merlot