Xw asking about money

[bus boy]

Yesterday I got a text out of the blue from Xw. It said " how much money did you give for s11?" I don't know what that means. My support payment is very straight forward, it's the same every month. All she has to do is multiply the monthly amount by 12. I don't get what she's looking for. I really don't trust her and I want to talk to her even less. Last week she text again out of the blue that her insurance covers part of the cost of braces, I don't know why she text that and I told her I'm setting aside for the braces as well. Maybe I should of said nothing.
  A few years ago I cut $50 off my monthly payment and started paying the court order amount and started putting that $50 in a bank account for s11 and she hasn't let go of that, she wants that $50 extra per month. She's driving me crazy for my tax returns and I actually made less money last year. I pay what the court order says to pay and if I choose to put extra aside for s11 I don't think that's xw's business. I've never missed a payment, I've always given extra for clothes, I'm setting aside for braces and his school but Xw still viewes me as someone who doesn't pay for there child, it's almost like it drives her crazy I make my payments, if I'm a few days late Xw will send me a belittling text, asking if I'm giving money this month like I'm some kind of a hit and miss dad with my payments and she has to ask because she's never sure. I've never once given Xw any reason to question weather s11 is getting his money or not.

[david]

I, personally, would not answer any question that is not required to be answered according to the court order. If I did answer I would say something like the same as usual.
I've learned that the less information I exchange the better off our kids and me are. I don't know why that works but it has for me.

[enlighten me]

I was paying £650 a month for my sons until my job ended. My ex wifes husband actually stood on my door step in front of my sons and told me I wasn't paying enough. Since the boys have been living with me (nearly 3 years now) I haven't received a penny.

Try not to get worked up over it as it wont help. Just accept they are who they are and they only care about their needs. I know my money never went on the boys so don't feel guilty about not sending more as your son probably wont see the benefit. Putting the extra away for your son like you are will benefit him in the long run a lot more than the extra being sent to your ex.

[Panda39]

Engagement Bait... .walk away.   I Agree no need to answer... .she can read the same divorce decree you can... .or deposits in her bank account.

Panda39

[bus boy]

I shouldn't of engaged but I did. I kept it very short. I text back " the amount the court order says to pay."

[formflier]

I shouldn't of engaged but I did. I kept it very short. I text back " the amount the court order says to pay."

While you understand you got too "hooked" into this (and you did)... .the real focus is on your response.

However you arrived at that, it's sometime to replicate.  Succinct... .factual... .and devoid of details to argue over.

I've going to say you "really wanted to take the bait"... .but didn't.  For that you get some serious thumbs up!   


Am I correct in an assumption that you have responded more forcefully to your ex in the past... .that this was a "productive bait" for her in the past?  I would guess she will keep "going there"

Hang in there bus boy... .I used to be a Shoney's waiter  (many moons ago... ) 

FF

[bus boy]

Yes, I did want to take the bait, my brain was in thinking mode for rest of the day and I was sick to my stomach. All nervous.

[david]

I remember taking the bait years back ( 2008/2009). Eventually I came to realize, with the help of a T, the only way to change things was for me to change. I changed and ex continued for quite some time, close to three years, before she changed too. I was tempted to reply many times but I resisted. The last 6 to 10 months ex has gone almost total NC even when she should have replied or contacted me about our kid/kids. I let it go.