Roller coaster ride—daughter says if she saw me she would beat me up

[Impala]

I found this support group through reading the book "stop walking on eggshells".  This book totally opened my eyes about my daughter's disorder.  She has had mental health issues since she was a child and it progressed severely when at age 12 when she made statements at school about wanting to kill herself.  It has been a roller coaster ride of drama with her since that happened.  She is now 19 years old.  I always knew something was not right with her, she never got along with any girls and would continually get in fights and had no friends.  She has blamed me for everything wrong in our relationship and finds every opportunity to tell others what a horrible mother I am.  She ruined every family vacation we went on because of her impulsive behavior and inability to follow rules and limits.  I just couldn't take it any more, she wouldn't follow any rules no matter what I took away from her.  She begged us to let her drive but my husband (her stepdad) refused.  Her decision making was too impulsive and we couldn't trust her.  I installed a lock on my bedroom door.  Her behavior got so I just couldn't take it any more, no matter what i did so I moved her to live with her dad (about 4 hours away).  I has been 18 months now and she refuses to stay in contact with me, she blocked me from all her social media accounts.  I haven't seen her since she moved and she tells her dad if she did see me she would "throw down" and beat me up.

This book changed my thinking completely.  I've only mentioned a very small portion of what I've been through with her.  I love my daughter but she made me miserable and depressed, I started drinking too much at one point (I have been sober for 2 1/2 years now though).  I am looking for others on this website that can relate to what I am going through.  Not even my own sister believed me until she read the book too.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Impala! 

Welcome! Thank you for sharing a bit of your story, and it certainly sounds as if it has been very rough for a long time. How were you able to manage through the years? Did you seek out some therapy (T)? There is a good list to the side of this board with some good articles. ----> Click on any of the topics for more information.

I'm really glad that the book reading helped you so much.  Most people are not able to grasp and understand the intense struggle that takes place when you have a pwBPD in your family. You will definitely find a lot of others here who will be able to share similar stories to your own, as well as be able to help you find answers.

 
Wools

[Impala]

I am currently in therapy and my therapist recommended the book.  It is a lot to absorb to make the realization that my daughter does have a mental illness that is difficult to treat - I always knew it but just didn't know which one.  She is taking medication for bipolar disorder (her father tells me bits and pieces) but she is not in therapy. 

I will look around the site for resources.  Thank you for the reply!

[Rosie1q]

Hi Impala!

Just read your post many loving mums like yourself  we can understand your pain you have done your best all your life by your daughter .Im so glad you have found this web site as you can read the posts it helps you to realise your not alone. I spend everyday being told I have ruined my daughters life how I did this that or the other you can’t do right for doing wrong. Read as much as you can and use the support sites like this and in a way it will help you understand this illness your daughter loves you but this illness is relentless she needs some one to blame as she probably hates her self for the way she treats you as they will target the one they love but with help and prayers I hope she gets better but remember to take care of yourself too. I send you my love and remember you are not alone xx

[Feeling Better]

Hi Impala,

I too would like to welcome you to the site, there is so much useful information to be found here, plus of course lots of support, we all understand what you are going through.

You mentioned that you were so depressed that you started drinking, but you have been sober now for 2 I/2 years. What an achievement Impala, well done you, I hope that you are very proud of yourself. Are there any other things that you are doing for yourself?

[wendydarling]

Hi Impala

I'd like to join others and welcome you to the community, glad you've joined us here for support, you've been through so much. Stop Walking on Eggshells has changed your thinking completely, sounds like you related like so many parents here do on reading. There's a lot to take in, how are you feeling about it all Impala?

Thumbs up to you, congratulations on your sobriety.  

WDx

[Merlot]

I always knew something was not right with her, she never got along with any girls and would continually get in fights and had no friends.  She has blamed me for everything wrong in our relationship and finds every opportunity to tell others what a horrible mother I am.  She ruined every family vacation we went on because of her impulsive behavior and inability to follow rules and limits.  I has been 18 months now and she refuses to stay in contact with me, she blocked me from all her social media accounts.  

Hi Impala

I can totally relate to your post, I knew there was something amiss too with my DD27, she also lost school friends, has blamed me for so many of her problems.  We also took her on a holiday which ended up a disaster due to not following rules and causing problems.  I too am blocked from social media, txt etc.  I was also feeling very miserable around her and actually felt guilty about it.   She has moved interstate and I feel mixed emotions of relief and sadness that it is this way and we are disconnected. However, it is giving me time to learn and reflect about a better way forward. 

There is much information on this site, and I particularly got great insight from reading "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning Did you find some relief in the diagnosis?

Look after yourself and hopefully you keep coming to share.

Merlot