My girlfriend left me for her ex after 6 months

[Radcliff]

Yes, i had to go to the doctor last week to get on medication because my attacks were happening very frequently and were crippling. I'm trying to focus on myself more and breath, take more walks, and focus on the gym.

I'm glad to hear you're getting a doctor's help, and are also exercising.  That's good 

It's tough to think this whole time i'm torn to pieces my ex is in love again and is portraying herself as happy as ever. I just don't understand. Why would someone who meant everything to me, go to such great lengths to erase me from her life? then make me out to be the bad guy to justify her actions getting back with her ex. It hurts. She's all i think about.

Remember, she is playing by an entirely different set of rules than us "nons."  With a non-BPD girlfriend, the relationship likely wouldn't have gotten so intense so quickly, and she likely would now be saying something more mild like "we started a little fast, maybe we should date around" and she also wouldn't have gotten back together with her ex so intensely and so quickly.  Our brains need things to make sense.  If they don't, it makes our brains hurt!  If we try to interpret BPD behavior using our "non" rules, it hurts!  Think about the idea of a "BPD translator."  What you feel like she is saying to you is "you are horrible, I wish we'd never happened, I'm deleting you and am totally in love with my awesome ex."  What she is actually saying in your language is, "wow, that got intense pretty fast.  I need a little space and might want to see other people for a bit."

Tell us a little bit about the anxiety.  This may sound like a silly question, but are you able to tell what you're anxious about?  What the root of it is?  What feelings about the situation or yourself are making you anxious?  It's not surprising that you are anxious, but there are a number of potential reasons.  It's a personal thing.  Figuring out the root of it is the key to making it better.

WW

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[whiteknight4152]

Tell us a little bit about the anxiety.  This may sound like a silly question, but are you able to tell what you're anxious about?  What the root of it is?  What feelings about the situation or yourself are making you anxious?  It's not surprising that you are anxious, but there are a number of potential reasons.  It's a personal thing.  Figuring out the root of it is the key to making it better.

WW

I had the anxiety before meeting her but I just tolerated it and kept it under control. When she left me, she said so many things that just tore me to piceces, when I knew they weren’t true, she was just trying to push me farther away. Then I started doubting myself and that I wasn’t enough for her, to where she had to go back to her ex who treated her poorly. She went from loving me deeply to splitting me black for only trying to love her the way she was meant to be. Now every time something reminds me of her, my heart just begins to race and I just get these anxious feelings. I start overthinking everything she is doing and has said to me and what I could’ve done differently to prevent this. If I had known more about BPD in the first place, I could’ve reacted differently. I start to think that I’ll never find what I found in her.

[randomuser94]

If I had known more about BPD in the first place, I could’ve reacted differently.

Well, I've found earlier about BPD. The best thing you can do is wait for to cycle to start and end and be strong enough to survive the things that come along with it. I was too scarred to accept another cycle and I've decided it's time to act, so I did my best to talk to her, explain to her why she has those mixed emotions, harsh reactions and feelings of emptiness. It just made thing worse in my case.
  Yes, you can better understand why she does certain things, but you will still be hurt by her actions. A lot actually. 

I start to think that I’ll never find what I found in her.

She was a mirror of yourself,your feelings, your aspirations. You saw yourself in her, she was just coping your image. It was a pretty illusion.
  If you liked what you say this much it means that you should love yourself more. You got the chance to see from different perspective how awesome you are.

[Radcliff]

I had the anxiety before meeting her but I just tolerated it and kept it under control.

What were some of your successful methods for keeping it under control?  What helps you with anxiety?

When she left me, she said so many things that just tore me to piceces, when I knew they weren’t true, she was just trying to push me farther away. Then I started doubting myself and that I wasn’t enough for her, to where she had to go back to her ex who treated her poorly. She went from loving me deeply to splitting me black for only trying to love her the way she was meant to be.

OK, this is important.  You are early in your "relationship career."  Still getting your feet under you, still trying to figure out who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, etc.  We learn from each relationship, and each person we are in a relationship with is a mirror that gives us a more complete image of who we are.  You happen to have fallen for someone with an emotional disability.  The mirror is warped, like one of those "fun house" mirrors where you appear strangely fat, skinny, tall, or short.

Do not look at your relationship with her as a reliable source of info about yourself and your value in a relationship.  Focus on keeping yourself healthy, having a good relationship with yourself, and on growing your successful relationships with classmates and other friends.

Now every time something reminds me of her, my heart just begins to race and I just get these anxious feelings.

This is totally natural.  Same thing happened to me when I broke up with a BPD girlfriend when I was your age.  I walked around campus and it seemed like every few minutes something made me think of her, or I wanted to share a thought with her.  It was unbearable.  Expect it, but work on filling the void with other sources of support and activities.  Give it time.

One way to interrupt runaway thoughts is a simple breathing exercise.  Inhale slowly for a count of five.  Hold your breath for a count of six.  Then exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of seven.  That will interrupt the thoughts, giving you time to get involved in another activity to distract you if necessary, or you can start meditating.

I start overthinking everything she is doing and has said to me and what I could’ve done differently to prevent this. If I had known more about BPD in the first place, I could’ve reacted differently.

You are being way too hard on yourself.  Folks with more life experience than you take years to get good at coping with BPD relationships.  Saying you should have or could have saved this is like saying you should be able to compete as an Olympic snowboarder with a couple of months of training.

As for what she is doing now, try to refocus your thoughts on what you are doing now.  Create satisfaction with a world you can control.  Clean your room, read a book, study, whatever things give you a sense of accomplishment, however small.

I start to think that I’ll never find what I found in her.

It is absolutely natural to think this.  You will never find exactly what you had with her.  That was unique.  Can you find a wonderful mate, someone to enjoy life with?  I believe you can!

WW