Making moves. Change is coming.

[Smileypants]

Called the cops because I was scared to go home Thursday night.  Husband was hurling insults and threatening to take my girls.  They couldn't do anything, they couldn't make him leave because he lives there.  Really regretted not filing a PPO sooner.  I've had the paperwork ready to fill out for a couple months.
Friday I did it.  I filed an ex parte PPO.  I will find out Monday afternoon whether it was granted or not.
Thursday I stopped by the lawyers office to find out how much the retainer fee would be.  I will also hear back from the lawyer on Monday.
I am finally ready.  Ready to be done with this roller coaster.  I am getting off cuz I am going to throw up.  The stress of dealing with him on a daily basis is too much.  Too much for me and too much for my kids.
Today he got mad because I made too many burgers out of the ground beef.  Turned it into an argument, a way to call me and my kids fat because we must be planning on eating them all.  Usually he wants extra burgers so he can eat them after work, but now it is a crazy idea to have extra burgers.  Then he threw my new phone across the room.  That goodness it didn't break cuz I have to pay on it for 23 more months.
Anyway I am excited for change and peace.  It is coming.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Smileypants, I am not familiar with your story but I greatly admire your courage. I've involved the police two times in the last month in response to my wife's behaviors and am also in touch with lawyers regarding future actions. You can do this!  

I am referring you here to the story of a member that has given me tremendous support throughout the process. They recently filed a protection order against their spouse, also with several daughters in the situation, so it might be helpful for you:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=320499.0;all

How old are your girls? Is the lawyer working with you to ensure custody rights after you enforce the PPO?

Best,
ROE

[Smileypants]

Thank you for your support. 
Background: together since 2006 married since 2012. 
Husband is high functioning BPD with bi polar and in denial. 
I have 3 children of my own, he has 3 of his own and we have 2 together.
BPDH is very verbally and emotionally abusive to me and the kids.  It has taken a long time to get to this point. 2 of my children have threatened suicide. 3 of my children are prescribed anxiety meds and sleep meds.
I am going to seek full legal and physical custody.
My girls that are biologically his are 6yrs and 2yrs old. 
The house is my father's (he's decreased) so he would have to leave. It is still in my fathers name.
This is my first time with the PPO & lawyer.  But his family is on my side 100%.

[greenyard]

Hi Smiley pants. I hope you are trying to keep a smile through this very difficult time. Although I do not have children, I can relate to being assaulted by a pwBPD. Stay strong and focused. Regain control of your life and your children's life by being determined. No one should ever be the object of physical or emotional abuse. I know it's super difficult to situation to be in. I recently had to remove my wife of 8 years, whom I loved deeply, from our house due to her abuse and threat to my life and job. I'm just glad we do not have children.

Take it one step at a time. Get to safety first. Has the Protective order been granted yet? I recommend having your husband removed ASAP and not giving him more than 30 minutes to collect his belongings. Try to be present with the constable so he doesn't destroy anything. I made the mistake of being "nice" and allowed my wife over 24 hours to leave, she took all the art musical instruments, and many other nice valuables from the house.

Once you get him out of the house, then you can plan on getting long term full custody. But first, get him out of the house and away from your children.

I'm glad his family is on your side. That is a huge advantage to you and your future. Just be careful about what you share. Getting a PO does not mean a divorce. It just means getting protection. Just note that initially the PO is temporary, and later you will have a hearing to make it more permanent. If you husband has a security clearance or works at a school or hospital, it could jeopardize his job. Please consult your lawyer on this.

[AskingWhy]

Smileypants, I am so sorry to hear about this.

I have a uBPD/uNPD H and what you are seeing is very common in BPD men.

My H is also very high functioning with a very important job.  He also dysregulates over the smallest things, including food: dinner not done on time, my making a chicken dish when he was expecting beef, etc.  Early in our marriage, he exploded when I ate a leftover sandwich that he was planning on eating.  I mean, literally exploded:  rage, getting in my face (like drill sergeant), slamming his fists on walls, etc.  He has punched holes in walls and doors, torn light fixtures out of ceilings, torn telephone cords out of walls (which is illegal), and stabbed knives into kitchen cutting boards.

A person who is BPD in the house can create havoc.  Ironically, or maybe not surprisingly, he is never this was with his own children.  In face, while they were growing up, he was as submissive as a doormat with them.  They walked all over him and he gave then everything they wanted.  He was seriously enmeshed, especially with the girls.  It's good his family is supporting you, but don't count on all of their support once the divorce settlement comes to bear.  Wrong or right, he is still their family member and they might protect him in the long run.  (His children always support him over me as they want his money.)

I agree that your safety and the safety of the children is paramount.  

In the meantime, do not disclose your plans to him.  Keep them secret.  

Also, this is a very good guide book for those divorcing an NPD or BPD spouse:

https://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Protecting-Borderline-Narcissistic-Personality/dp/1608820254

Be well and be strong.  Being married to a BPD is crazy-making.

[greenyard]

HI Smiley pants, how is everything going? We haven't heard from you since yesterday morning. Please keep us posted.