How to successfully live with 23yrdaughter when she does not follow house rules

[RaeofHope]

Hi,
Thanks for accepting me into your community.  I have a question on “how to” successfully live with my 23 year old daughter that continuously doesn’t follow the rules(contract) of the house.  We have significantly dwindled down the rules so that we can focus on everyone’s well-being more than anything.  Before, some of the rules included “chores” which, in the end, turned into a distraction more than anything so they were eliminated.  One of the rules, which may sound strange, is for my daughter to take her medicine everyday.   Additionally, we request that she let us know if she will be home after work or on weekend nights.   On the weekends, when she is home, we ask that she wake up by 11:00 am.   The rules which her therapist defines as a contract has come about because she will consciously decide to stop taking her medication and won’t communicate this until several days have passed.  She also will spend entire weekends in bed only waking for a few hours at a time.    She has been recently diagnosed with BPD (1 year ago) and is undergoing therapy as well as DBT.  Any insight is greatly appreciated as we are concerned for her well-being.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello RaeofHope

I would like to welcome you here on this board, it sounds as though you are doing the best that you can but may be struggling slightly with maintaining boundaries.

It doesn’t sound strange at all that one of your rules involves the taking of medication on a regular basis, quite often pwBPD are in denial, so if there is nothing wrong with them why would they need medication?

Daisy123 has a thread on this board,
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=323133.0

Perhaps you might like to take a look, she also talks about her daughter and medication and about her lying in bed too long.

I hope you find it useful x

[Merlot]

Hi RaeofHope

Welcome to the bpdfamily along with a welcome from Feeling Better. 

I have a question on “how to” successfully live with my 23 year old daughter that continuously doesn’t follow the rules(contract) of the house. 

I think this is the question that so many of us here are seeking to find answers to.  The pull and push of BPD can at times feel like a battle ground and it's really hard to know what success looks like.  I am cut off from my DD27 at the moment but I am using the skills here to try to reconnect.  I think for me, small wins would really feel like success.

There is a wealth of material on the board and through other resources.

Glad you came here to share , it's a journey and we are all here to support each other.

I hope you are well.

Kind regards
Merlot