Hi MusicDad
Sometimes we want so much for the hurt to stop... .when we have come to the end of the rope and are just plain exhausted. What now? What now?
I can hear and understand when you write... ."The constant worry that he will die living on the street or take his life has me in constant emotional prison." If you didn't love your child so much, that worry would not be there... .but you do... .and it is.
It was a good idea for you to stay in daily contact with him... .but... .it is not working the way you would want. He is choosing to not respond. So... .(see Lesson 2
|---> "If your current approach is not working, change it." Maybe time for that change. He can't help but notice a difference.
Yeh, a breather might be good for all. Perhaps time to let him know that you respect the boundary he has set (no communication) but will always welcome him back into your lives. After a bit, nothing says you can't send out sporadic, little reminders of your love for him, though... .just touching base with him... .nothing newsy... ."Love you, Son!"
Above, BlueK9 has given some sound advice... .something to think about. As she writes, it is important to know your boundaries and practice beforehand how you will communicate that to him when he does make contact.
My heart goes out to you and your wife and I so urge you to look after yourselves. You've tried so hard to make things different and you are just plain worn out. Be confident in knowing that you have done your best... .no guilt trips! Your son is capable of making choices... .bad... .and good!
Keep posting. It helps to let off some steam.
Huat