Helpless...I'm done

[Ednamae]

My daughter started having one of her "episodes" (dissasociation) this morn. Didn't go to work. This job is everything to her, but was freaking out this morn. Now she may be fired. She wants to die. Another hole in the drywall, broken candle, broken keyboard. Says that if I loved her I would let her die. Says I would be better off, and she wouldn't have to put me through this anymore. If she is fired she wants to kill herself. I'm scared. I don't want to lose my girl

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Ednamae

I'm sorry, it's a scary situation, been in similar with my daughter in 2015, can you read this, the part supporting others, I found it helpful provided me some confidence I was doing the right thing.

Suicide Ideation Emergency Protocol

Ednamae, what's the recommended treatment plan for your daughter, you've said previously she wants help, she wants the pain to stop which is exactly what my DD said.

We are here with you.  

WDx

[Faith Spring]

Ednamae, just here to say I'm here. I am a witness to your mind numbing pain and frustration.  And terror.  Maybe if you have headphones, put them on, and listen to a five minute guided meditation on stress relief.  They're free on YouTube.

You're not alone.  

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Ednamae, how are you doing?

[Ednamae]

I wish I could say I was doing ok. Yesterday my D21 got mad that her friend said they would do something and when she tried to call her she was at the movies with someone else. She went into an episode. She got a knife and was going to carve her friend's name into her arm. She said she wanted to hurt her friend more than her friend was hurting her. She wanted me to call her friend. When I wouldn't she tried getting my phone from me and when she couldn't she started hitting me and pulling my hair. After her rage she goes into a deep depression and cries and says she's a piece of crap. Her friend still hasn't talked to her and says she's just about done with her which is the end of the world for my D.

[Faith Spring]

How's she doing now, ednamae? 

Remember when the planes hit the twin towers and the news channels started grading our "terror alert" levels?  Green was relatively safe I guess, orange was get ready for attack and red was we are being attacked    Those news channels eventually stopped the terror alerts as it was making our nation unhinged. 

Well those terror alerts never stop for parents of kids with BPD.  No way to live.  I'm so sorry you're at this terror level and so hoping you find a few minutes to just breathe. 

[Ednamae]

I want to thank you, Faith Spring, for asking about me! I'm totally overwhelmed, and just trying to figure this all out. The anger in my daughter just flabbergasts me. i am reading my books, and have read the tools on here. I guess I'm just not having the easiest time implementing anything-it makes it worse. Yesterday was the first time she's ever hurt me physically. I've called so many places and can't get help. One therapist says she should he seen once a week but yet no one can see her. They tell me to take her to ER. ER physician asks why we are there stating they can't do anything for her. I'm living in hell on earth.

[Faith Spring]

Im so sorry she hurt you like that.  It's like a toddler in an adults body.  No excuse.  Can you stay overnight anywhere else? I'm thinking about you, we all are.  I've been in your shoes, god it's awful.  I'm sorry. 

[Ednamae]

Thank you so much Faith Spring! Truly! I'm fairly new here , and just trying to get a grip on this diagnosis. I have a lot of faith and pray a lot. I won't give up on her! I will learn all I can, and will not stop searching for help. You have no idea how much you've helped... .just asking me how I am. I raised her on my own (she also has my mom and dad and sister that love her so much). I've felt so alone. No one understands. You, Faith Spring, have made me feel better knowing someone cares. I thank you for that!

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Ednamae,

I'm so sorry that she hurt you and that you're having such a tough time.

When you set boundaries with her, are you using SET? You said you've read the tools on here so I'm guessing so.

When she's relatively calm, you may consider telling her that you understand how upset and overwhelmed she gets, but it's your job to keep you both safe, and if she attacks you physically again you'll have to call the police. Then when she starts escalating you can tell her you're going to leave the room and if she tries to hurt you you will call the police. One warning, then call.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I hope that doesn't happen ever again.

[El’s Mama]

Ednamae,

It’s so awful when you’re in the middle of a storm, isn’t it?  Truly awful. Heart-breaking and exhausting. I do hope you get a reprieve soon. We understand. It’s scary and infuriating and confusing. So many complex emotions. Sometimes all at once. Taking care of yourself is imperative. Even if you can only manage a few minutes of a walk, bath or meditating. Sometimes that’s all we can do.

I, too, have wanted to pull my hair out while trying to figure my BPD son, who is 18. I thought if I could just find the right response, I could fix things. I believed it was my job to help; to heal him. I was his mother after all! My therapist helped me to see (and truly understand) that I couldn’t change him. Only myself. That still makes me sad most days. I have to tell myself that it doesn’t mean I’m giving up on him. It just means that I need to change my perspective a bit. But, I’m getting off-topic.

Please know that there are others here who understand and we hope things will get better soon. Take care of yourself. It’s obvious you are a loving mother who cares deeply for her child.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[RedRobin]

I should have said that the first time my daughter hit me. She started that a couple of years ago - when she was around 18, before that the abuse had only been verbal, which feels bad enough - in any case, I didn't want to call the police on my child - I wanted to handle it. But I couldn't. And it has slowly escalated. Now I have finally 'kicked her out' as she calls it - but she has her own apartment and I should have done this a while ago - but I've seriously been scared of her, because she gets very violent and also destroys things. I've been scared of telling her to move to her own place for good. But after the last episode I've realized that I am not helping her when I 'let her' hurt me like this. She gets so sad and apologetic afterwards, and I kept thinking - that's the consequences for her; that she feels so bad about herself, but it doesn't stop it from happening. The only consequence that might work is me finally setting some boundaries for acceptable behavior in my home. For now we will only meet in public.