Newbie: Confused and hurt, my daughter does not seem to see me as a person

[Reco665]

I'm very glad to have found this site. I feel like I have tried everything within my power to make my relationship with my daughter loving and peaceful. Just when I think I've succeeded the attack comes out of the blue. I'm at the point where I just want to cut off my relationship with my daughter, it hurts me so much. She does not seem to see me as a person with goals, feelings or a life of my own. I have known for a long time that she has emotional problems but I have never been quite sure what they are. I started looking at the symptoms of BPD and recognize my daughter in them. Help, how do I handle her attacks?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Reco665 and welcome.

I’m so sorry to hear of what brings you here, it can sometimes be really difficult knowing what to do when you have a child with BPD, you will quickly find that you are not alone, there are lots of parents here who share their own stories and offer support.

I'm very glad to have found this site. I feel like I have tried everything within my power to make my relationship with my daughter loving and peaceful. Just when I think I've succeeded the attack comes out of the blue. I'm at the point where I just want to cut off my relationship with my daughter, it hurts me so much.

We all feel like this at some point in our relationships, it can be extremely frustrating and painful just trying to have some sort of relationship with someone who we love dearly. To the right  you will see THE LESSONS, perhaps you might find Lesson 2 helpful - If your current approach is not working - change it.

You ask “how do I handle her attacks?”, you could try removing yourself or telling her that you are only prepared to talk to her once she is calm, she may not like it but it is something that you could try in order to protect yourself x

[Merlot]

Hi Recco665

I join Feeling Better in welcoming you to the BPD family.  I know how difficult this must be for you and how hurtful these personal attacks can be.  Feeling Better offers you some sound advice in regards to removing yourself and setting a small boundary.

She does not seem to see me as a person with goals, feelings or a life of my own.  Help, how do I handle her attacks?

Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth!.  My DD27 did not see me as a person with a life, a husband or friends, just a person who should give up her life for hers and sadly I allowed that to happen.  When I tried to reclaim, I came under attack too and am now cut off.    While I had no control over her cutting me off, it has inadvertently given me the space I need to step back and re-balance, learn about BPD and consider how I make changes (and set boundaries) that can help us both if and when the time comes. 

Do you live with your daughter?  A good first step could be to carve out some space and time for you.

Let us know how you are going.

Merlot

[Faith Spring]

Hi, just chiming in to say I hear you - my kid depersonalized me as well. 

Right now I feel like I'm pulling myself out of quicksand, just to get my own personhood back.   I believe this is a vital step toward recovery for my daughter. 

[Yat4]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You will find a lot of support here. Many of us have had the same issues. It hurts so much when you care for your child and it doesn't feel like they care back, just want more and more from you. Try not to fall down the rabbit hole like I did. I had to reach my absolute financial limits before I started to realize that I had also almost lost most of my own life. Please read everything you can about boundaries and limits. It will save you from a whole different kind of pain later.