Help my daughter has BPD, how do we stay in touch-she's irrational and abusive

[Mamaandy]

Hello.
My husband and I have had a rocky road with our daughter.  Some quick info
She is 19 doing well academically ally and in sports.  She is enrolled in college
And has friends. She has been in therapy for several years utilizing emdr
And we have seen some improvement in mood swings and ability to be in wise mind.  However thought her work I. Therapy our family work intherapy she would
Move through things with my husband but there was always and underlying anger towards me.  This past month has been rough and she sent a scathing text and a horrible voice mail accusing me of many things. We have found out she is seeing someone new who has been using serious drugs.  She has been lying about her life to us and blaming me for everything.  She has a history of cutting a history with an EDO.  And drinking and using marijuana.  We are reading everything we can. Called our therapist who we have not seen in a couple years.  But how do we
Stay in contact when she is not rational and abusive.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Mamaandy,

Welcome to the bpdfamily parenting board, here you will find lots of resources and help and support from other parents.

I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through.

You ask how to stay in contact when she is not rational and abusive, it’s all about learning a different way of communicating with her, there are lots of tools to help you, take your time and read the TOOLS section which can be found to the right 

Please know that you are not alone here, we have all dealt or are dealing with what you are going through too x

[Merlot]

Hi mamaandy

I join Feeling Better in welcoming you to the bpdfamily   

I really understand how awful those personal attacks are when we have done nothing but love our children.    Unfortunately, our BPD children see us as either all good or all bad. It may be that you are the target at the moment.

Ive learnt, through much reading, that people with BPD can take a long time to calm down and regulate their emotions when angry.

My strategy has been to step back and deal with my own emotional reaction and re - engage when storm has passed.

I have set a boundary by telling my daughter that I will not accept abuse and will not engage while she is raging. Is this something you could try?

Thinking of you. Hang in there, we are here to support you.

Merlot