When I got home, my family was gone | Part 1

[DaddyBear77]

Hey everyone, thank you so much for the kind words. I've been working the thread on the Legal board for the past couple days trying to get things moving in that regard. But I wanted to come back here and share a little bit about my emotional state. 'Cause it's a mess.

For the first few days, honestly, I felt relieved and like a huge weight was lifted. I've been conflicted for a long time, and as much as I dreaded making a decision, and, honestly, would NOT have made this decision, now, I was glad it had been made. Now that it HAS been made, I realize I wouldn't have made any OTHER decision in the long run. So however it plays out, I'm moving forward. And that's that.

Regarding my D4, I miss her so much it's not even funny. I sat here and cried for an hour or so, at least, just realizing that it's been since Sunday April 8th that I've even heard whether or not she's ok! I trust my wife to protect her, that's not the issue. There's something about knowing where your kid is, how they are, it's fundamental to being a parent. And I've been deprived that for too long. It's a line that my wife has crossed I didn't really know existed. And for a few days I was able to put it aside and work on things. But tonight it hit me hard.

My L did send a note today to her L insisting on updates and a proposed parenting schedule. I didn't hear anything back, not that I expected to. A few people have said "why don't you call anyway?" - and on the one had, I'd LOVE to do that. But on the other hand, to HQ's point, this could open the door for drama that would be used against me. In the end, I'm holding tight to the plan to work through the attorneys, but I'm also pushing my attorney for more action. We'll see where that goes.

HQ, that's a really great point you made about not assuming people know what kind of father I am. This has been a weak spot for me. I've collected bits of info here and there, but I've not compiled it like I should so that it's easily accessible. If there's anything else specifically I could do to get this message out, please, tell me. This is the most important thing to me, is arranging a favorable, 50/50 or better custody plan.

And AskingWhy, you are spot on with suggesting Bill Eddy, thank you! I have Splitting open right now and I'm going back through it. I'm also going to tackle the book about not alienating your kids, which I'm sure will become a challenge in multiple regards.

Anyway, I really appreciate everyone posting here - it's hard but it's easier knowing I've got such great support here, so thank you.

[Radcliff]

Hey, DB, search this thread or the legal one.  I suggested a couple of brainstorming writing assignments for you on the idea of supporting your parenting.

I completely empathize with how hard it must be to be separated from your daughter.  This is a hard week, and you're likely headed for many hard weeks.  But with good luck, hopefully you'll get a good temporary order, and you'll have peaceful time with your daughter.  You will become a different person.  You will get some wonderful time with her soon!  As hard as it feels now, you are investing in her future.  She will come out ahead.  Remember, kids have an amazing ability to adapt.  It is not nearly as hard on her as it is on you, which as dads is something to be thankful for.

WW

[RolandOfEld]

DB, I'm so sorry to have come on this so late after being out country. I was so shocked and saddened to read your post. I honestly don't know what to say. That's such a blow. And if I had to go so many days without knowing how my kids were, I would be losing it, too.

Hang in there, friend, we are all here for you.

~ROE

[Lucky Jim]

Hey DB, We're here to support you, when the dust settles.  I'm going to throw something out there, which is that, when angry, those w/BPD will intentionally do unkind things designed to hurt you.  Her recent actions would fall in this category, sad to say.

LJ

[Red5]

Hey DB, We're here to support you, when the dust settles.  I'm going to throw something out there, which is that, when angry, those w/BPD will intentionally do unkind things designed to hurt you.  Her recent actions would fall in this category, sad to say.

LJ

Is there an "echo" in here !

Yes, pw/BPD do seem to love (relish) to punish... .and twice on Sunday 

If it were me, I'd ask my solicitor (lawyer) to arrange a visit via the other lawyer with my (your) daughter poste haste... .like yesterday !

One parent taking, and preventing the child from the other is pretty messed up, .imho.

Take good care  DaddyBear77, and keep us all posted Brother,

Red5

[formflier]

DB77,

I think it's wise of you to go through your L and avoid drama or even potential drama.

I think this will set the stage for the way you will communicate and work through issues going forward.

 

FF