DD19 thinks she "doesn't have BPD" after quitting meds

[1hope]

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted in a while, but I'm here today to ask if anyone has gone through this too.  In January of 2017, while on a family vacation, our DD told me she felt she had BPD.  She gave me "proof"... .the traits she felt she exhibited.  When we got home, we got her an appt with a psychiatrist who confirmed she had BPD traits.  Our journey began... .reading about it, educating ourselves about it, finding this site... .

Now, just over a year later, she has moved out, quit her meds completely, and isn't going to therapy.  Just recently, she told me she doesn't think she has BPD.  She thinks the traits/behaviours were a result of the meds.

I'm trying to use the skills I have learned on here, but I'm really at a loss.  I listen, and try not to react.  While I have seen some positive changes, I still see the traits in many areas.  She cannot maintain friendships.  She becomes overwhelmed by her emotions when pressures arise.  She sees things in black and white.  She has a very different perspective on things in many areas.  She blames others for all of her problems.  She has difficulty managing day to day things like paying rent on time, and making appointments.  We have been doing what we have learned here... .if she can do it for herself, she should.  In many areas she is still waiting for us to fix things... .her lease is up in July, and she needs to find a new place to live, she needs an appointment with the optometrist for new glasses, she needs to reschedule a dentist appointment that she missed... .

Sorry for the long post... .just looking for advice from anyone who has been here!  :)id your BPD child think he/she was suddenly NOT BPD?  What did you do?  So far, we're staying the course.

1hope

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

Hi 1hope,

      Your post has so many good strong things in it. Like the fact that you are staying the course, still using the tools and skills already learned. You're doing what we all need to do over and over in dealing with our BPD kids.
     Sometimes I when I feel overwhelmed I have to stop and take a minute to get perspective. I think if this is overwhelming to me how must it make my daughter feel? Especially given the fact tht she doesn't have the emotional stability to clearly sort things out. Maybe your daughter is feeling scared. Sadly the first thing we learn about BPD is that medication only helps to deal with the side symptoms of other things that tag along, anxiety, depression and so on. There is no cure all for BPD, we have to fortify ourselves with patience and tools.
    My daughter also does many of the behaviors you talked about. So I can say I'm right there with you in the frustration. She is 35 and we are still working on figuring out how to live day to day with what she can and can't do. It's a very fine line between helping, working together to figure it out and enabling. There are many things I won't do for her, I'm a big believer in naturel consequences. That said there are many things that I do, do for her. She doesn't do the phone at all, and doesn't drive. So I make and take her to all the doctors appointments. Way easier than dealing with her health being out of control.
     Keep up the good work 1hope, you'll get there. Even if she keeps changing her mind about herself, she needs to know the consistency of her mother will always be the same.

[1hope]

Thanks for responding, bluek9!
It's funny, my daughter doesn't drive either.  We purchase her a bus pass each month, since her social assistance won't cover her rent, food, and pass.  She is very independent in using public transit, which is great.  I have taught her a skill for talking on the phone which seems to help her with the anxiety of making a call.  She makes a short "script" of what she wants to say/ask.  This helps her (when she is motivated enough to make the call).

She did mention this week that she MIGHT like to try counselling again.  I told her we'd support that decision if she wants to go forward with it.  I will wait for her to take the first step though, or she will not likely move forward.  She had a name of a counsellor that she heard about from someone she knows.  So now I wait... .

[wendydarling]

Ha! 1hope and bluek9 ... .add another non-driver here, I offered driving lessons at 17, DD said she was not 'ready' - turns out the thought of driving scares her (we live in the capital), she does not trust herself... .

Your DD thinks she no longer has BPD traits after quitting co-morbid meds? I've not heard anyone mention that though you may recall Yepanotherone recently shared her DD feels much better off her meds. Perhaps she feels she’s doing better than she was last year, also if in her mind she’s been working hard (eg, she did well while you went on vacation) she may see small successes? That's encouraging she may be interested in counselling, she been talking to someone else about her wellbeing.

A week on a tropical island sounds divine right now, any one up for it 

[1hope]

An update... .last night DD told me that she feels she needs to revisit the idea of meds.  She wants to be able to manage her anxiety and depression.  She feels she is dealing much better with both, but wants to keep moving forward.  I think it has to do with her trying to manage recent stresses (looking for a new apartment, managing school and a new part-time job), but I didn't mention that.  I've been trying to use the questioning techniques from here to help her come to her own conclusions. 
She also mentioned that she doesn't feel like health professionals (ie her psychiatrist) take her seriously because it says BPD traits in her file.  She said they think she's just being dramatic.   I helped her work her way through to a solution... .she ended up going to a mental health worker today that works with her psychiatrist.  This lady will discuss her concerns this week. 
Baby steps... .?

[Merlot]

Hi 1hope

Ironically, from what I have read, stating that one doesn't have BPD traits when there has been a diagnosis is indicative of BPD.

My daughter was diagnosed 3 years ago and told me and my younger daughter about the diagnosis. She has since told us yhat she lied to us and that it was just a ploy to derail her baby's father.

I think Wendydarling and bluek9 raise many valuable points in terms of staying focussed on small wins as rhe opportunities arise. BPD is highly unpredictable and I think we do ourselves and our children justice in maintaining a steady and measured approach as they ebb and flow around us.

Sounds like you are doing great

Take care
Merlot

[wendydarling]

An update... .last night DD told me that she feels she needs to revisit the idea of meds.  She wants to be able to manage her anxiety and depression.  She feels she is dealing much better with both, but wants to keep moving forward.  I think it has to do with her trying to manage recent stresses (looking for a new apartment, managing school and a new part-time job), but I didn't mention that.  I've been trying to use the questioning techniques from here to help her come to her own conclusions. 
She also mentioned that she doesn't feel like health professionals (ie her psychiatrist) take her seriously because it says BPD traits in her file.  She said they think she's just being dramatic.   I helped her work her way through to a solution... .she ended up going to a mental health worker today that works with her psychiatrist.  This lady will discuss her concerns this week. 
Baby steps... .?

1hope, yes baby steps, this is all very positive, trying to work it out, questioning. Fingers crossed your DD and her psychiatrist hook up and get on the same page to treat the depression, anxiety if that's what your DD wants... .My DD also felt she was not being treated seriously early on, when she stepped up self advocating, they stepped up too.

Slipping in this for those reading up about Validating Questions