Hoping to find supportive connections, my life has been turned upside down

[Bravesoul]

My life has litteraly been turned upside down over the last few months by my 22yr daughter. She cut me off back in August and has now declared a mission out of repeatedly attacking me through unimaginable measures. She has become an avalanche picking up strength as she falls towards me. The lies and lengths she has taken this to is unbelievable to me. She has declared me the enemy and her goal in life seems to be to destroy me at all cost. This is someone I love dearly and I can not comprehend how this can even be happening. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about BPD but it's not the same as talking to others who are experienced in dealing with similar people. I am thankfully in therapy but this situation is just 24/7 without breaks. I just want to be able to wrap my brain around this cause at this point I don't even know how to feel about her or what she's doing. I love her, I'm angry with her, I'm scared for all of us, I'm sad, I'm grieving the emotional loss of our relationship cause I'm starting to emotionally disconnect from her, etc... .Any support or insite would be greatly appreciated. I would love to find a local BPD support group if anyone knows of any  in Oakland county Michigan?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

  WELCOME Bravesoul,

                   So very happy to have you here, even under the agonizing situation. You are in the right place. My BPDD is 35 and lives with me. So I can share that I know just how you feel. It's a gut wrenching thing to be sucker punched by your own child. It takes the breath away from you. You are going through the emotional soup of emotions all parents go through at some point. I know that certainly doesn't make it any easier, but at least you now know there are others like you.
              It's sad to say but sometimes the emotional disconnect can be a good thing. It gives you a break, a time to catch your breath, process all those feelings. I'm really glad you're seeing a counselor. Even though my daughter lives with me I still have to have an emotional disconnect to some degree. I cannot be all engrossed in her emotions and feelings. If I did they would drown me. I keep a healthy emotional distance, I show empathy, I care but I don't ask questions or open anything up for her talk about or drag me into.
              Your situation can get better, it will. By being here in this place you have tools, learning, education, support and encouragement. We always listen to each other, share ideas, vent, yell. Start with the tools to the right----->>
             Take hope Brave soul

[Bravesoul]

Thank you for your kind words and sharing a little of your story. It helps to know that I am not alone. I've been spending a lot of time learning about this disorder and I'm not sure there is any comfort in these materials. I find conflicting informion and it's easy to feel lost so in reaching out for support I'm hoping to learn how to navigate and get through all this.

[wendydarling]

Hi Bravesoul

 

I'd like to join bluek9 in welcoming you to the community.

You are right, it is conflicting 'BPD' is a broad umbrella, often co-morbid, it's taken me time to unpack my situation to learn how to make it better for me through the resources and wonderful support of parents here who get it, my daughter is a quiet person with BPD, it's all internal.

Your daughter cut you off last August and the last 2 months she's turned your life upside down. Can you share with us her behaviours, how she's treating you, the avalanche of events, when you feel able.

We are here, listening and walking with you, you are not alone  hug-

WDx  

[Scout206]

Hi Bravesoul,
Unfortunately I understand your pain all too well.  My DD is 30 and I only discovered the name for her behavior in January of this year.  She cut her brother and me off almost two years ago out of the blue for no good reason.  I have had very little contact with her besides a few dinners that according to her, never went well.  I have continued to reach out to her but I repeatedly get the door slammed in my face.  I have no idea what she has told people about me but I'm sure it's not good.  I felt I had friendships with her boyfriend and his family but they have all kicked me to the curb too.  I found out that she has been telling lies about me since she was in high school.  I felt that we were close. I thought we had a tight bond.   I cherished her.   So like so many of us, were blind-sided by her betrayal and apparent lack of empathy for so many people affected by her actions .  She told me that she had a biopsy for a serious type of cancer but won't reply when I ask her about the results.  She is getting married in July and I won't be invited to her wedding.  Those two things are the end of the rope for me.  My heart is broken.  There morning I didn't even want to get out of bed, but I am working on accepting the situation for what it is and taking better care of myself.  I have decided at this time, to step back and stop reaching out to her.  It has taken me two years to make that decision.  I am done with making myself available for her emotional abuse.  I feel fortunate that she is holding down a good job, is not addicted and seems to be happy in her relationship.  She was getting DBT for awhile so I felt hopeful but she now tells me that she is not in DBT anymore.  I am starting to ramble - it's so easy to do that because the pain is constant.  There are many parents in this forum who understand what you are going through.  I think if I had not found this place, I would be having a far more difficult journey.  We are here for you and you are a Brave soul.   Scout206   

[Faith Spring]

Hi bravesoul, how's it going today? You said it well when you said 24/7 w no breaks.  I wonder at times how I can hold down a job.  Actually work is my refuge.  People are professional.  Coming from my home it's heaven.  I think I'd pay them if they didn't pay me. 

Well you are never alone.  My d is 17.  I am still grieving that loss because like you I'm having to emotionally disconnect.  It's death.  I was tempted to write my d was about 12 when. I last saw her.  It's true.  I don't know who this kid is.  If it were 300 years ago I'd request an excorcism.