Hard couple days - memories

[Aiko]

6 months since I couldn't take it any more and left, 6 months no contact sans a peek at her fb a few months ago. Healing and detaching going well I think, moving on with life, but last few days have been hard, more flooding of the good memories vs the bad. Ran into a friend of hers during the week, she saw me and hollared me down to say hello, we caught up for a about 10 minutes she was super nice and sweet, no talk of the ex.  Anyway it certainly has triggered me and I've been battling dealing w the good memories, the times she was so sweet caring and would do anything to help anyone, great fun, laughs jokes, really ideal. I miss that. I snap myself back when I recall the threats, the fear in her eyes, the makeup running down her face after crying, the incessant calls and texts, and all the other things I cant even bring myself to type.   It was usually when she was drinking, or rather worse. I understand healing isn't linear  and there are setbacks. This sucks. Vent.

[Mutt]

Hi Aiko,

Im sorry that you had a set back, you’re like a lot of here - the caretaker type and a pwBPD can really tug at the heart strings. Your description of her in your OP is that she’s sad and helpless that’s how I interpret it. Are you feeling guilt for breaking up?

[Aiko]

Sure at times, esp this week. But not for what I think youre saying in your message, not because she won't be able to manage. She was with someone new within weeks and I'd guess they're still honeymooning so she will be fine. She's a survivor, has looks and brains to match, so no shortage of supply.  I don't have guilt for breaking up in that sense.  More in the sense of my heart and missing the good times.  But my brain knows it wouldn't work, it didn't work. My brain remembers the horror she could swirl up when she wanted.  So I'm not sure if it's guilt or just sadness.  I'm read up on the condition, and all of what I'm experiencing, and that it would never work and that I'm lucky to be out.  Just need a vent and some reminders from the team here that this too shall pass, thanks for listening.

[Mutt]

No I just think that it’s fog many of us here can relate with fog it takes time for it to lift completely.

[once removed]

Just need a vent and some reminders from the team here that this too shall pass, thanks for listening.

certainly, there will be a time when the memories you do have will lessen in pain, or lose their sting entirely.

its very natural to miss, recall, long for someone we loved, even if they hurt us, or even if they drove us crazy sometimes

[Aiko]

Thank you, time and more time.  Journeying on.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Aiko, I think it's healthy to acknowledge one's feelings as they come up, which you are doing quite nicely.  The next step, in my view, is to process those feelings in some way.  How to process?  It's up to you, but you could try: writing in a journal, talking to a close friend or family member, seeing a T, practicing mindfulness, taking a walk in the woods or on the beach, etc.  You get the idea!  Posting here is helpful, too.

LuckyJim