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[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello   I've recently retired and am spending 6 months south in a trailer and 6 months in Canada in seasonal trailer park. Our very first winter away at the start of our retirement we were called home for an emergency.  Our daughter swallowed 5 bottles of prescription meds! My adult daughter (34) has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar II.  After a near fatal suicide attempt she finally got the right diagnosis and is now on the proper meds for her mental health after her two week stay in a mental health facility. This was just 3 weeks ago.   So I'm not sure how well she will do on her meds.   I'm not even sure this is the right place for me to get support/information/help. She has a 16 year old daughter who I'm now caring for.  She's a lovely young teen who is intelligent and very hurt from the depression/anxieties/rage of her mother. Grand daughter is now depressed and unwilling to even speak to her mother.  Grand daughter is in therapy and wishes to have no contact what so ever with her BP mother.  So I am dealing with two family members, a daughter and a grand-daughter. Grand daughter and her mother are now living separately as the grand daughter will not speak or agree to see her mom nor does she ask about her.  But these living accommodations are not arranged to be permanent and our hope is that they can at some point be re-united.  I do not live near them but am living for now in my daughters apartment so I can care for my grand daughter.  I have so many questions and fears, concern for my own future.  :)o I stay the course I had set out for my retirement or do I abandon our retirement plans and make a home here in the north for my Grand-daughter?  Am I strong enough to help them both and am I equipped to do so?

[wendella]

Hello   I've recently retired and am spending 6 months south in a trailer and 6 months in Canada in seasonal trailer park. Our very first winter away at the start of our retirement we were called home for an emergency.  Our daughter swallowed 5 bottles of prescription meds! My adult daughter (34) has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar II.  After a near fatal suicide attempt she finally got the right diagnosis and is now on the proper meds for her mental health after her two week stay in a mental health facility. This was just 3 weeks ago.   So I'm not sure how well she will do on her meds.   I'm not even sure this is the right place for me to get support/information/help. She has a 16 year old daughter who I'm now caring for.  She's a lovely young teen who is intelligent and very hurt from the depression/anxieties/rage of her mother. Grand daughter is now depressed and unwilling to even speak to her mother.  Grand daughter is in therapy and wishes to have no contact what so ever with her BP mother.  So I am dealing with two family members, a daughter and a grand-daughter. Grand daughter and her mother are now living separately as the grand daughter will not speak or agree to see her mom nor does she ask about her.  But these living accommodations are not arranged to be permanent and our hope is that they can at some point be re-united.  I do not live near them but am living for now in my daughters apartment so I can care for my grand daughter.  I have so many questions and fears, concern for my own future.  :)o I stay the course I had set out for my retirement or do I abandon our retirement plans and make a home here in the north for my Grand-daughter?  Am I strong enough to help them both and am I equipped to do so?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

Hi Wendella

Welcome to the bpdfamily 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It truly does sound very traumatic for all of you and the notwithstanding the concern you have for your daughter and granddaughter, you have been plucked from a happy time in your life of setting out on much anticipated retirement plans.

While I understand that your future is a little uncertain, it is wonderful that they both have you there for interim support until the crisis passes, your granddaughter is at such a vulnerable age to have been confronted with such an event.  Who is supporting you?

I have so many questions and fears, concern for my own future.  Do I stay the course I had set out for my retirement or do I abandon our retirement plans and make a home here in the north for my Grand-daughter?  Am I strong enough to help them both and am I equipped to do so?

These are difficult questions/concerns only ones you can answer.  It may be that in helping your grandaughter and daughter you can also enjoy your retirement plans.  But I hazard a guess that this is going to take some work and planning in the interim.  Do you have a therapist that you can work with to consider options for your daughter and granddaughter moving forward?  It's also a great opportunity for you to be able to deal with your feelings.

I also encourage you to come to the board as often as you like to talk through your journey. You are not alone and you will learn much from others and from sharing.  There is also a wealth of information to the right    I have recently read "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning and it is very uplifting. 

Wendella, as you work through this crisis, your path will become clearer and we are all right here alongside you.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Merlot

[Harri]

Hi Wendella.  I want to join with merlot in saying welcome to the site.  I am so sorry for your situation.  My heart goes out to you , your granddaughter and daughter as you try to find a workable solution for all of you. 

As a daughter of an undaignosed BPD (uBPD) I am very glad your GD has you for support and comfort but I would hate to see you give up something that is good for you.  It is a hard position to be in and I too am wondering if you have a therapist to talk with and help you strategize and just process all this information and your emotions.

In the meantime though, you can get a lot of support here just by posting and reading.  There are a lot of very knowledgable and compassionate people who post on this board so you are in very good hands.

Hope to see you posting some more.

[wendella]

Hi Wendella.  I want to join with merlot in saying welcome to the site.  I am so sorry for your situation.  My heart goes out to you , your granddaughter and daughter as you try to find a workable solution for all of you.  

As a daughter of an undaignosed BPD (uBPD) I am very glad your GD has you for support and comfort but I would hate to see you give up something that is good for you.  It is a hard position to be in and I too am wondering if you have a therapist to talk with and help you strategize and just process all this information and your emotions.

In the meantime though, you can get a lot of support here just by posting and reading.  There are a lot of very knowledgable and compassionate people who post on this board so you are in very good hands.

Hope to see you posting some more.

Thank you for your welcome and insight Harri.  I'm reading and hoping to learn a lot from others so I can better understand and be a support for my family.  I have no Therapist for myself as yet.  Its good to know that I'm not alone in this nightmare.  I will reach out and learn from the postings here.  I'm not sure I've grasped how to respond to your post.  This could go so wrong here.  LOL  I am on a slow learning curve here in how to reply to posts etc. 

Thanks for your kind response and input.  I will take it to heart. 
Wendella.

[wendella]

Hi Wendella.  I want to join with merlot in saying welcome to the site.  I am so sorry for your situation.  My heart goes out to you , your granddaughter and daughter as you try to find a workable solution for all of you.  

As a daughter of an undaignosed BPD (uBPD) I am very glad your GD has you for support and comfort but I would hate to see you give up something that is good for you.  It is a hard position to be in and I too am wondering if you have a therapist to talk with and help you strategize and just process all this information and your emotions.

In the meantime though, you can get a lot of support here just by posting and reading.  There are a lot of very knowledgable and compassionate people who post on this board so you are in very good hands.

Hope to see you posting some more.

Merlot thanks for your support and response. My husband is going to our cottage for the summer.  Soon I will be alone here with my grand-daughter.  I have a sister that I can call but for the most part family doesn't get it.  They think this is just depression.  They don't understand that it's far beyond just depression.  So I tend to disclose very little to them.  I think this site just might be a good sounding board for me.  Family doesn't get it that when they are in a rage arguing back only exasperates the situation and triples the intensity of the rage.  I learned that I had to choose my moments to discuss anything with my daughter.  The book Walking on Eggs Shells is how I've felt for over 17 years with my daughter  It took a suicide for her to finally get a true diagnosis and now perhaps some healing can begin.  Although I feel there is a long long road ahead of her.   They (family) also think the suicide was an attention getter.  5 full bottles of pain meds antidepressant was NOT intended as an attention getter. The Dr.s and nurses said she's just very lucky! She had an angel watching out over her. 

[Daisy123]

Hello Wendella,
Just wanted to say how sorry I am
to hear about you D and GD. No, 5 bottles of meds does not sound like an attention getter. The things the medical community does and says when it comes to our loved ones battling a mental illness is infuriating.

As for your D, how is her recovery? My DD has had multiple and very serious attempts. Each attempt has made
My heart skip several beats. It can be terrifying. It can and has gotten better for my DD. She has passive suicidal thoughts now. It’s just part of Borderline personality disorder.

My heart goes out to you, you are quite an amazing mom and grandmother, moving to take care of your GD. I hope you find the support you need. There are many of us here, on this board that can listen.

NAMI often offers classes for family members- so if there’s a NAMI in your area, you might find support through those classes.