Mothersday:What does it take to be a BPD mother

[bluek9]

      We love them young or grown because they are our own. We protect them and yet; what does it take to be the mother of a child with BPD?
       We wrap our babies in hopes and dreams, we nurture them to find their way. We struggle through the teenage years, while hoping to cope with all our fears. We watch as hopes and dreams get dashed. We do our best to recover fast... .again.
      We deal with things no parent should bear, scared to death one day they won't be there. Whether through loss of death or dysfuntion, we stumble on with hearts broken. We grieve our losses and wonder why... .why, did this pain not pass us by.
       We find ourselves on the rollercoaster of every emotion and find they are as deep as the ocean. Through our anger, pain and confusion we keep searching for a solution. To find solace or peace or treatment, something to end our childs pain, and end the suffering thier brains. When hopefully at last we find a place of understanding.
      Here on this board I can share, not be judged and compare, the pain and despair. Here I find I have found a place, a BPD home. A place of trust and understanding, a place of others who are like me... .searching for comfort and understanding.
      To all who are mothers of a child whatever age with BPD or a grandmother; there is no need to list the emotions we go through, they runfrom A-Z. The strength we find within ourselves, that should be listed for all to see and read: LOVE, COMPASSION, STRENGTH, TENACIOUSNESS, ENDURANCE, HOPE, FAITH, COMMITMENT, EMPATHY, UNDERSTANDING, TRUTH, TOUGH LOVE, PROTECTIVNESS.
       As mothers we rise to the occasion repeatedly, no matter who deeply we have been cut. Our heart get cut, torn out, stopmed on, bruised, kicked repeatedly. Yet somehow we pick up the pieces, put them back together and carry on. So here to all the mothers who post, the grandmothers who raise, for all of us who chaerish our children. Happy mothersday to all, find peace and comfort from all of us who share along the way. You will find better days.
                                                           Peace, hope,wisdom to all bluek9

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beady]

Thank you. And so well written. I've been dreading Mother's Day for the past month. Not so much for what will happen, as what will not happen. In the year since last Mother's Day, my relationship with my uBPD has worsened. And I had so hoped it would improve. Instead, an e-mail that cut me to the core and had me howling like a wounded animal has been sent by her. And no acknowledgment of my admission to hospital for a weeks stay. Nothing. And I know you all can relate.

[bluek9]

Beady  ,

          I'm so very sorry for that email. Those wounds are awful gut wrenching cuts. So often when I'm here reading stories shared and finding myself nodding my head in agreement; I wonder to myself. Which is the worst pain, not having contact or having the BPD live with you or close to you. Not having contact or minimal contact via text, email, is a constant worry, wondering what they will get themselves into, what will they be doing, what kind of choices are they making. The contact comes through some form, it still cuts, hurts. Then if they are around living with you or close by; you know everything they are doing! And the wounding is personal face to face. Neither choice is any better, pain is pain.   
         I wish you a happy mothers day, I know it will be hard, try to find something to do on that day just for you. And I hope you are feeling better after being in the hospital for a week.

[Merlot]

Hi Bluek9

Perfectly said  ... and irrespective of the pain we all endure as Beady mentions, I hope your daughter and grandson do something for you that leaves a lovely memory on mothers day... .it's also a reminder for me to cherish my own mother this mothers day  

Merlot

[Scout206]

All of you have eloquently described a lot of my feelings.  Mother's Day is tough to get through.  I feel pretty washed out right now.   I have a son and mother that love me and for that, I am grateful.  I am also thankful for this place.  I can come here feeling totally dejected and am always met with open arms and understanding.   No one else can understand what it is like to parent a BPD person.  That's why I have very few people in my life that I talk to about my daughter.   I try to continually educate myself about her disorder but it's still tough for me to understand - so explaining it to someone else is very difficult.  I also try to respect that it is her private medical information and don't share unless it is with someone I need for support.   Anyhow, Happy Mother's Day to everyone.  Do something for yourself to celebrate how awesome you are to still be here trying to do the best you can - every single day.    Scout206

[Yat4]

Thank you. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life, and I've been through a lot. Thank you for understanding and sharing. <3

[wendydarling]

I feel deeply touched by you bluek9   thank you for your thoughtful mother's day post for us Mum's and Grandmothers says it all, it's now printed, framed and proudly hanging on my kitchen wall and raising interesting discussions between me and my daughter  . Big hug to you this mother's day, I'll be thinking of you  

Yat4 it is the hardest thing ever as you say, takes our breath away, the biggest challenge for us to rise to and I'm so glad we are all here together, helping each other through.

Happy Mother's day everyone, wishing you peace.

And do come talk here with us if you're having a tough day.

WDx

[bluek9]

  Wow WDx,

               What an honor for me to hear that you actually printed this out. I love t write and share stuff like this that expresses my feelings. Good for the soul to get it out. So tomorrow is the day her in the states. I decided to take myself and my daughter and JJ out to mothers day buffet.
               So to every mother here and not here yet, celebrate your strength and have  good day.      

[MomMae]

I love that, bluek9!  Taking the initiative to book a Mother's Day brunch on your own!    That is exactly what us mothers need to try and do... .celebrate ourselves.  I know for a fact, each and every wonderful woman on this board deserves a Happy Mother's Day.  Let's follow bluek9's example and make sure that we are recognized... .if not by our children, then at least by ourselves.  It is part of self care, and we deserve it!  As bluek9 says, celebrate your own strength!   Hugs to all! MM

[Daisy123]

Oh Bluek
Your poem/writing has me in tears. It can be such a lonely and guilt ridden path that is worn with grief and hardship when parenting a child with this horrific illness. Your words touched me so.

I want to do as Wendy did and hang it up- somewhere where I can see that we lead exceptional lives - hardship that is rarely recognized.

Mother’s Day hasn’t been easy for so many of us. And what I find so amazing about all of you moms and grandmothers out there - is your strength to carry on and your deep commitment to do your very best.

Thank you, Blue, for sharing. Your words are so comforting.

I feel seen.
Not alone- but recognized.

Beady, I see you are in such pain. Sending you a hug and good thoughts for all of your hard work as a mother. You don’t deserve to have your feelings trashed in an email from your grown DD. How I wish it wasn’t like this for you- for all of us, here on this board.

As for Mothers Day celebrations... .I think it brilliant that we all find some way of celebrating it, even if it means without our children.
I think I’m going to head to the local Happy Feet and get myself
a massage! My husband works and will spend time with his mom. No brunch or dinner has been organized in my home since I lost my mom 8 years ago. It’s time for some serious self care.

Thanks again Bluek- it’s the best mother’s day gift I’ve had in years.