New here: So tired of the yelling, swearing, threats of suicide

[Wiggley]

Hi there,

I am a single parent of a 19 year old girl that I am pretty sure has BPD.  I am tired of the yelling, swearing, name calling and threats of suicide every time she hears something she doesn't like.  I am tired of being the cause of every bad thing in her life including her thoughts of suicide. I am an emotional wreck.  I begin shaking and get immediately anxious the minute I see her name come up on my phone.  I just don't know what to do anymore.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[zachira]

It is terribly painful and challenging to have a child with serious mental health problems, and even though you love her, you dread what she might do next that will be very upsetting. Does your daughter live with you, or is she on her own? Sometimes the best way to take care of a child who is not doing very well is to take care of ourselves the best we can, so we are in our best frame of mind to make the tough decisions about what we are going to do about our child's upsetting behaviors. What kinds of activities do you enjoy? Do you have friends, family, or a counselor that are caring and supportive? There are many parents with children with BPD who post on this site, and the stress you feel which is so nerve wracking is similar to what many parents describe who are overwhelmed by having a child with BPD. Please let us know how you are doing and how we can help. Your posts are welcome any time, and we are here to listen and support you.

[Wiggley]

Thank you for your response.  My daughter doesn't live with me.  She is on her own and going to school a few provinces away.  It is the daily phone calls; the rapid fire text messages that has me on edge.  I see her number on the phone and my blood pressure shoots up.  I never know if I am getting my happy, funny kid or the one that will scream and swear at me for hours telling me that I am mean to her even though I haven't been able to say anything because she talks a mile a minute at a really high pitch about how she is going to kill herself and it will be my fault.  She is only happy if my wallet is open.  I know I have gotten myself into a terrible pattern of enabling but I don't know how to get out.  I have tried counselling, but haven't met a counselor yet who knows how to deal with BPD.  I live in a very small town and the nearest counseling is a flight away. I have tried to take mental health breaks from her but come back to so much hate because she feels like I have abandoned her and that just makes her more suicidal.  She has called me names that would curl your toes.  I hate that I can't plan anything with her involved because she is never really able to make it through a family gathering without creating drama... .yelling, screaming, banging her head on the wall.  I'm just so tired.

[wendydarling]

Hi Wiggly

Welcome to bpdfamily

   

I'd like to join zachira, welcome to the community. I'm sorry what brings you here, dealing with a child with BPD is exhausting, it's no wonder you're an emotional wreck right now. Your post will have many heads nodding here, you've come to the right place for support, understanding and learning, you are not alone  

Wiggly she threatens suicide how do you respond? Does she recognise this is not normal behaviour?

WDx  

I'm a single parent too  

[Wiggley]

Thank you for your message.  It is so comforting (wrong word, really) to be with people who get this.  I feel like I have tried everything when it comes to her threats of suicide... .I have started calling the police every time she does to report her and have them do a welfare check.  The latest was yesterday when she was talking to my sister who was acting as a buffer for me.  My daughter got angry and told my sister that she had just taken all of her medication and hung up on her.  When the police found her she was happily working away at her job completely oblivious to the hell that my sister had just been through thinking that she was overdosed in her room.

At one point, in a fit of absolute frustration, I just told her that if she was going to kill herself there was nothing I could do.  It was her life, her choice whether she wanted to stay on this earth or not... .which was turned around by her to me telling her to kill herself. 

I have tried to reason with her, call police, I don't even know anymore how to deal with that.  I know it is all manipulation... .just a way to keep me an emotional hostage.  See, I had almost lost her three years ago to an overdose.  She was in a coma for 8 days and was not expected to live... .she knows how badly that impacted me... .I found her body... .and every time she does this I travel back in time and am just traumatized all over again.

I really don't think that it registers with her at all that this is not normal behavior.

[wendydarling]

Hi Wiggley

Thanks for getting back to us, I'm glad you find comfort here with us and yes it's the perfect word, it's such a relief for us to land here, we get this and understand your struggles to find resolve, change, there is hope  .  Wiggley that is such a traumatic experience nearly losing your daughter and reliving the impact, these threats are extremely stressful for you, have you sought therapy to help you through these situations? You mention medication, has your daughter at anytime received a diagnosis, recommended treatment?

You are doing right by calling welfare check. Here's bpdfamily SUICIDE IDEATION PROTOCOL and
3.06|Suicide ideation in others

There are tons of resources on the site that will be helpful for you, take your good time. As you mention your daughter yelling and swearing you may find this helpful, as others do. 5.10 Ragephobia, the fear of being raged upon

I'm glad you have your sister, is she ok?

Small steps forwards, we are walking with you  

WDx