New here 16yr daughter diagnosed, looking how to better communicate with her

[MommaBear63]

Hello:

My daughter was diagnosed with BPD and I guess I am just looking for feedback on better ways to interact. Conversation is difficult at best, as no matter what I say, it seems to be the wrong thing. She is struggling with an addiction to marijuana and an eating disorder. She is 16 and currently in treatment. She is smart, a good hearted and caring person, but I seem to get the brunt of her anger.

I would appreciate feedback on how I can communicate better with her and also help myself to cope. Just got the "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book.

Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Panda39]

Hi MommaBear63,

Welcome to the BPD Family 

Good for you being so proactive about reaching out for communication tools    I can hear the love you have for your daughter and how much you want to be part of the solution in terms of what is going on with her.

I'd like to point you to the box to the right --> each item listed are actually links to more information.  I think you will find a good place to start in the "Tools" section.

Take Care,
Panda39

[Feeling Better]

Hello MommaBear63

I would like to join Panda39 in welcoming you here and also say how wonderful it is that you are looking for help and support with your communication skills with your daughter.

You have already made a good start by getting Stop Walking on Eggshells, and as Panda39 has pointed out, the TOOLS on the right are a good place to begin learning here.

You might also want to take a look at Lesson 2. If your current approach is not working-change it.

Wishing you all the best x

[ForeverDevoted]

Hi MommaBear,
I too have a daughter recently diagnosed with BPD, she's 15 and was diagnosed last September.
We are still trying to manage how best help her and feel as though we are on the right path, even though it is a roller coaster and I unfortunately think it always will be.
I've researched and read many books on the subject including 'Stop Walking on Eggshells', 'I Hate You - Don't Leave Me' and 'Parenting a Teen Who Has Intense Emotions' by Pat Harvey & Britt Rathbone (I found this book really positive and I recommend it). Once I got tired of researching I read fiction novels on characters with BPD being 'When You Bleed To Death', 'Her' and a memoir called 'Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery From BPD' by Rachel Reiland which I would also recommend as it gives you an insight into what is going on in their heads.
My daughter is refusing treatment and we have never discussed the diagnosis with her, we are slowly building back the relationship (which was very loving, happy and trusting).  We are lucky enough to have a lot of support through our local Child & Youth Mental Health Service where my husband and I are attending weekly sessions, they are teaching us how to emotionally coach our daughter which brings me to another book worth reading 'Emotional Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman.
So basically my recommendation is to read as much as you can (you can start with the Tools section → if you haven't already), I have much better communication with my daughter now than a year ago and at the time I didn't see how that could happen.
My next step is to tackle her eating disorder and the self harm.
Good luck to you and your daughter x