Re: DD coming out of psychatric clinic, we are at our wits end

[Hope4]

My ddBPD aged 24 has been admitted to a  psychiatric clinic.  I was hoping she would stay for long term treatment and get herself back on her feet but she is determined to leave at end of the week. She used to live at home and we tried to set in place boundaries which she wasn't prepared to accept and so we asked her to move out. The living alone didn't go well... .She didn't pay rent and other bills, ran up debt, drank excessively and becamesuicidal... .I persuaded her to be admitted to get stabilised and was hoping for minimum three month stay. She now says she wants to move home but we have told her no. She has nowhere to go. All her belongings are in her apartment and she needs to deal with her landlord to access them as she owes him money. She wants me to pay to get her belongings which I won't do.

We are scared to have her back home because she doesn't respect our boundaries and home life becomes unpleasant. She is high-functioning, strong willed and very manipulative.  She is in denial about her situation and her debts. We are hoping that by not allowing her home, she will deal with her problems and choose to work her treatment. Letting her come home will just drag out the current crisis. She has been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist for years and has done DBT workshops. We are at our wits end with her,  and can not carry on.

Any advice or suggestions would be helpful... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi there again Hope4  

I'm so sorry to hear this, after all you've been through, last time we spoke you were setting boundaries for your daughter to stay home or leave, she chose to leave home, live independently and now wants to leave the clinic, come home - a full circle.

I hope she stays, keep strong. Please remember you are doing your best  

What are your plans for the rest of the week, can you take time out for you to rest and self care?

WDx  

[Merlot]

Hi Hope4

I don't blame you being scared, it is scary when you constantly feel compromised even with boundaries in place  

My DD27 is also high functioning but she was not diagnosed until 25.  She refuses to believe she has this disorder and therefore will not undergo any treatment, she believes I need the therapy.  My daughter was a Jeckyll and Hyde, so funny charismatic and charming but then she would flip to rage and abuse just as quickly and it was truly terrifying at times.

I've been coming here for about 6 months, when she cut me and my grand baby off after a meltdown.  I couldn't have gotten through without coming here and learning and sharing with other parents.

I am currently reading "Get Me Out of Here": My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland.  She was hospitalised on many occasion and things seemed to get worse for her before they got better.

While I'm still reading, I'm taken by the enormity of the BPD experience for those with the disorder and the impact on her family.  She was though, truly surrounded by love and like us, they weathered the storm along side her, often with great cost to their own mental well being.

It goes to show, how strong both those with BPD and those who love them really are.

Hang in there and keep coming and sharing.  Hugs to you

Take care
Merlot

[Faith Spring]

Hi Hope4, you are on the right path and thank you so much for taking that path.  I fear I'll be on it someday and I believe I'd make the same decisions you're making.  Please let us know how it's going.  My dd is 17, high functioning, strong willed and manipulative too.  I get a notice from her HS of her honor society induction same week she says never to assume she cares ( after telling her her father has cancer).  Fun house crazy making machine, please save yourself and keep your wits.