The custody drama continues

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Sounds like she was testing your boundary. She may try harder next time so don't be surprised.
My xBPDw liked testing boundaries all the time in the beginning. I was not consistent back then so I was encouraging her behavior. Once I started making firm boundaries things started getting better.
Glad things worked out.

[david]

Sounds like she was testing your boundary. She may try harder next time so don't be surprised.
My xBPDw liked testing boundaries all the time in the beginning. I was not consistent back then so I was encouraging her behavior. Once I started making firm boundaries things started getting better.
Glad things worked out.

[livednlearned]

I've never quoted myself  

She also might surprise you and have S5 ready for you at the agreed upon time.

I'm so glad the transition was drama free for you and S5. What a relief!

This suggests that validation and other skills may be helpful in the years ahead. On this board, we tend to go straight to boundaries because the conflict has escalated to the red zone. Going to court is primarily about negotiating boundaries with the legal system, in the hopes they will be regarded by the BPD parent  

But she may also be responsive to validation and SET (support, empathy, truth). Did you have an opportunity to use those with her during the relationship?

Once you get the court orders in place, she will most likely continue to test boundaries. By then, you may find that the skills help de-escalate unnecessary conflict. It's possible, tho a bit harder to do that now because there is no clear authority, which is a much more inviting environment for her to color outside the lines based on whatever mood she's in.

Hope you and S5 are having a good time, and that you had a chance to restore some strength and take care of yourself during the break.

[flourdust]

Glad to hear you've got S5 back safe and sound. You followed the old adage -- plan for the worst, hope for the best.

[Nope]

This suggests that validation and other skills may be helpful in the years ahead. On this board, we tend to go straight to boundaries because the conflict has escalated to the red zone. Going to court is primarily about negotiating boundaries with the legal system, in the hopes they will be regarded by the BPD parent  

But she may also be responsive to validation and SET (support, empathy, truth). Did you have an opportunity to use those with her during the relationship?

This. It does sound like over time you can aquire the skills, and a solid court order, to significantly reduce the amount of conflict. Yes, she was testing boundaries. But when it came down to it she didn't take the situation to the next level and may actually follow a court order, even if she will probably still try to guilt you into gifting her more than the order entitles her to have.

Had it been my DH's ex, she simply would have called a friend and taken the kids out somewhere and not been home and refused to answer her phone. Later on in court she would have claimed she didn't know he was coming and that the whole thing was a result of a miscommunication. For her, her sense of entitlement slips around the reach of authority.

[worriedStepmom]

Is there anything that your lawyer can ask for in the final order for consequences for when your ex doesn't show up at the halfway point?  It sounds like she uses this excuse regularly.  Maybe if she can't find a way to show up, then it's her responsibility to pay you $X for a hotel room.