My daughter has been spiraling, looking for long term patient recommendations

[momshouse]

Thanks for having me!  My 26 yo daughter was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago.  The last year she has been spiraling, we would like to offer her a long term inpatient treatment option.  I see some online, and am looking for recommendations or information from anyone who has tried this option.  She has been in the typical hospital BH setting short term and intensive outpatient before, I feel like she comes out worse every time.  So many meds!  Thanks for any help

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello momshouse and welcome to you 

I'm sorry to hear your daughter is spiralling, my daughter also spiralled at 26 she was diagnosed, she's doing very well now, in fact she's doing brilliantly post outpatient DBT/meds, it took 2 years to get the meds right there is hope!

Finding the right help at the right time was key. When you say she comes out worse, I've learnt the road to managing the disorder is not linear, my DD would regress then take a small step forward, regress take another step forward. Looking back and reflecting, I'd first notice regression as it was obvious to see, progression was SO very subtle, it's internal and took my DD time to show me she was on her way.

momshouse I'm in the UK, let's see how us parents can help you, please chime in with us everyone share your knowledge. From my understanding your local NAMI is a good place to call in for advice.

And Psychology Today

What behaviours are you dealing with momshouse 

I'm glad you are here with us, it's good to talk.

WDx

[momshouse]

Thanks so much for reaching out!

She has lost 3 jobs in 6 months, 2 car accidents, lost many friends, is physically abusive to her boyfriend, calls me screaming and crying, texts me sometimes 30 times a day for reassurance. Abuses her medications, excessive drinking, weed smoking and whippet (?) use... .I here that's what they call it. I do see what you mean about it not being linear because in the midst of all this she got accepted to Graduate school in a very competitive program.  I am just not sure she will make it with all the self sabotaging. We help too much financially, always bailing her out.  But she is masterful at "needing help"  just at the right time, after a success in her life.  We have found a program that accepts her insurance for a 30 day inpatient.  I do not think she will agree to go, but was hoping to get some input if such facilities have been helpful to anyone on this forum.


Thank you so much!

[wendydarling]

Hi momshouse

You are most welcome. Your daughter is spiralling, struggling, 3 jobs, 2 accidents, so much happening over this last year…… what struck me is when you say she reaches out to you for reassurance she knows she's out of control and can't stop it, you are there for her, this is important. It can be very scary to stop, stop still and accept it's not working, my DD arrived at that point, exhausted by it all one day she stood still (she'd hit the wall) by which time she was in so much pain nothing else mattered apart from releasing her pain through treatment and learning new ways to live a life that works for her, measured and calm as possible, she's in control.

It's the most natural thing to do, to keep on going and no wonder your daughter wants to take up grad school, she's bright. I think offering the treatment and offering her reassurance it's there (as you are too) when ever she decides it'd be helpful for her, keeps the door wide open , places the responsibility and opportunity for your daughter to make the decision when she is ready. As we know they have to be ready and accepting, our situations are unique. Perhaps she has to fall out of grad school to get to that point?

So you are looking at what behaviours you are reinforcing eg bailing her out financially after a success? Can you share an example? You are not alone. there. Looking to hear how others feel about and deal with finances
It's helpful to step back and think these things through, see if changing our approach, focus may help.

My biggest takeaway from my situation is my girl needed to hear I was listening, that she'd get through treatment, she could do this, it's not a race, life will be there waiting for her when she's ready and I'm walking with her every single step. Reassurance and hope.

Does your daughter live at home?

WDx