Things are getting worse

[Parents! Get help here!]

My daughter is 27 now and was diagnosed at age 18 with BPD. She has been in and out of treatment for many many years. Recently her anger has escalated and I am lost as how to respond. Calling the police does not help. We have encouraged her to keep up with her therapy and she gave up. Looking for any help out there. Thank you.

[TippyBark]

My daughter is 27 now and was diagnosed at age 18 with BPD. She has been in and out of treatment for many many years. Recently her anger has escalated and I am lost as how to respond. Calling the police does not help. We have encouraged her to keep up with her therapy and she gave up. Looking for any help out there. Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello TippyBark

 

Welcome to the son/daughter board.

I’m sorry to hear about your current situation with your 27 year old diagnosed daughter. Was there something specific that triggered her recent outburst of anger? You say that you are lost as how to respond, the first thing is to make sure that you are safe, sometimes it’s best to just walk away and allow her time to process and calm down rather than try to engage with her as that could potentially lead to escalation. Once she is calm it will be easier to talk to her.

You say that she has given up her therapy, has she given you a reason why she did that?

There are lots of TOOLS and LESSONS to be found on the right 
You should find them most useful. Maybe take a look at Don’t React, Respond with S.E.T.

Hope to hear more from you x 

[Merlot]

Hi TippyBark

I also welcome you here to the bpdfamily along with Feeling Better

I'm glad that you have found us.  It sounds like you have been dealing with this for a long time and we all know how exhausting that can be.

I think Feeling Better asks some good questions and provide sound guidance in terms your safety; in particular if you are in need of calling the police.  It's also sound guidance in stepping back out of the drama and using techniques to de-escalate in the first instance.  These are some of the first tools that I started practicing when I first arrived here six months ago, and it has really helped me to not take things personally and recognise how difficult applying normal behaviours is for my daughter.

I have been reading a book by Rachel Reiland: Get me out of here. Her personal biography about recovery from BPD.  The journey was lengthy with a number of hospitalizations and threats to give up, so hopefully your daughter can get back on track with therapy.  Maybe when she is calm, it might be something you can raise with her again.

Does your daughter live with you and what support mechanisms to you have in place to help you?

Coming here and sharing will be a wonderful opportunity to receive support as well and we'd love to hear more from you so that we can really target the conversation.

Take care
Merlot