Stay or Leave... What's best for my Kids?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Been married to my BPD wife for almost 12 years now.  Have known her Dx for 5.  We've done therapy together and continue to do therapy separately (with the same therapist).  I have finally come to terms with the reality of this relationship and that it's very toxic and abusive for me.  For a while now, I have been pulling away from her emotionally, trying to protect myself from the inevitable pain of the pull/push dynamic.  Through therapy I've learned a lot about my co-dependency and the factors of my own childhood that led me to enter and stay in this relationship.   

I am now 100% sure that I am done having a romantic or emotional relationship with her.  But I have two kids (9 and 6) and for me that is the most complicated factor in this equation.  I legitimately don't know what's best for them, and they are my top priority. 

Any advice/experience would be very welcome  

[4my2kids]

Been married to my BPD wife for almost 12 years now.  Have known her Dx for 5.  We've done therapy together and continue to do therapy separately (with the same therapist).  I have finally come to terms with the reality of this relationship and that it's very toxic and abusive for me.  For a while now, I have been pulling away from her emotionally, trying to protect myself from the inevitable pain of the pull/push dynamic.  Through therapy I've learned a lot about my co-dependency and the factors of my own childhood that led me to enter and stay in this relationship.   

I am now 100% sure that I am done having a romantic or emotional relationship with her.  But I have two kids (9 and 6) and for me that is the most complicated factor in this equation.  I legitimately don't know what's best for them, and they are my top priority. 

Any advice/experience would be very welcome  

[Emotionally Numb]

Similar situation... .interested in replies.  Good luck!

[RolandOfEld]

Hi 4my2kids and welcome!  You've come to the right place.

I am in an extremely similar situation to yours - together for 11 years, aware of her BPD for close to 1, 2 young children that are pretty much the only thing holding me here.

I think the first thing is to help us establish the level of comfort / tolerance you've managed to achieve in this relationship What are some examples of your wife's BPD behaviors, and how do you cope with them? And how does your wife's behavior impact the kids?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld

[sterlingblue]

4my2kids,

Hello from another relatively new member here.  I can relate to everything you said in your post.  You can learn more about my situation here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=326396.0

I don't know what the right answer is for you (or for myself), but I just wanted to let you know I am facing the same struggle.  This is a tough situation, and I hope we can benefit from our shared experiences.

Sincerely,
sterlingblue