23yr old daughter w/ heroin addict, I helped remove the children from her home

[Quiet Contemplat]

My 23 yo daughter exhibits a disturbing amount  of BP characteristics.  She is a mother to 2 young boys and is in a long term relationship  with a Heroine addict.  She will not communicate with me because I helped remove the children from her home because they were were not being adequately  cared for.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Quiet Contemplat

I would like to welcome you here and am sorry to hear that your daughter exhibits a disturbing amount of BPD traits, a lot for you to cope with for sure. Is your daughter receiving any treatment at all?

You sound like a very caring mother and grandmother, you saw what you needed to do to ensure that your grandsons receive the care that they deserve. What an amazing person you are, you put the lives of those boys first, it must have taken great courage on your part.

So now, because of that, your daughter has ceased contact with you, how does that make you feel?

What about the boys, are they in care and are you able to see them?

I am really sorry about your situation, you have come to the right place where you can get lots of support x  

[pjmanley41]

   You've come to the right place.  I'm sure there are people here in similar situations.  

My 32 year old DD has undiagnosed BPD and its been a 20 year roller-coaster for me.   I've been raising her daughter for the past 6 1/2 years (GD is 7 now) but she shows up periodically and threatens to take her which is stressful but having this group to talk to and the tools and articles to help me learn to better respond to the situation has been a real life-saver.  I just found this group a few days ago and already it has made a tremendous difference for me.

Welcome to the group.

[Quiet Contemplat]

Thank you for the your encouraging  and supportive  replies.  So many heart wrenghing stories on this board.  So many families  struggling.
My daughter  is undiagnosed  and will not accept treatment even though I have offered to pay and she is still covered  under my insurance.  Her son's are split up, one living with his aunt on dad's side (current boyfriend)  and the other with his dad (previous  BF).  I have been regularly  seeing both.  The one living with dad just moved 300 miles away though.  Very heart breaking.  My 16 YO is struggling  to deal with what has been happening and the years of mistreatment by her sister.  She has been working  with a counselor for several  years.  I try to keep focused on what I have control  over, taking care of my youngest  and spending as much time as I can with the boys. 

[Feeling Better]

Hi Quiet Contemplat

I am so sorry to hear that your grandsons got split up, does that mean that it is unlikely that they will see each other? Especially with one of them being moved so far away now. And you also, do you think that you will be able to see him? As you say, very heartbreaking.

I think that you are doing the right thing, concentrating your efforts on your younger daughter, she has been through so much and no doubt suffered at the hands of her older sister. She needs you right now.

What about you? How are you feeling in all of this? How are you taking care of yourself? x