Help - I feel like I cant cope anymore

[Spacey]

Hello - my first post here. I think my adult daughter has BPD - she certainly seems to fit everything I read about it. She lives with me and has become an alcoholic. She also suffers from PTSD. She says in her room 95% of the time - its filthy and filled with empty wine bottles. She looks ill but wont even talk to me let alone get help. I am so stressed that I am worried about my health - life is like walking with a load of bricks on my shoulders. I need relief I have asked her to move out but she wont and I have no strength left. I have talked to just about every help organisation in town and they all tell me the same thing - she has to be the one who seeks help. So where does that leave me?

Any advice? I'm desperate.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Jnel921]

Hi Spacey,

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. How old is your D? Has she ever seen anyone in regards to her PTSD? Perhaps she has coping issues and turns to alcohol? You said she is in her room 95% of the time, does she work? If not who is providing the wine? I would start there by cutting that off. Create a healthy boundary of what it is she can and cant do in your home. If she doesn't care for it then the only option is to leave.

Good Luck to you.

[Spacey]

She is 24 years old. She was diagnosed with PTSD when she tried to commit suicide a couple of years ago but she never got treatment. She gets welfare support which is what she buys the wine with. I have asked her to leave and she says yes but doesn't do anything about it.  I am going to see the police to see if I can trespass her - but I don't think they like to get involved and she is bigger than me. I'm also worried that she will commit suicide if she leaves - you have no idea how many times I have thought about her funeral. Also my only support is my mother and she is very strong in her opinion that I cant throw out my daughter.

[MomMae]

Hi Spacey and welcome to the BPD family!  I am so glad you have found us, but I am very sorry for the difficult situation with your daughter that has brought you here.  Having a 21 year old daughter that has been diagnosed with BPD, I certainly understand that feeling of not being able to cope at times.  It is a terrible feeling and I am so very sorry that you are experiencing it.  You are in the right place to find others who totally "get" where you are coming from and also to learn strategies to better deal with your daughter's worrying behaviours.

A good place to start is by perusing the excellent lessons on the right hand side of this page   

When I joined this board a little over a year ago, I, too, was at my wits end and truly thought the situation with my daughter was possibly beyond hope.  Presently, things are much better... .dare I say even very good... .  and I truly have to credit this wonderful forum and the people who post here, along the myriad of resources available to us members to help us learn new methods of communicating with our pwBPD.

Self-care is essential, Spacey.  You mention being worried for your own health due to the burden you carry.  Are you doing anything to take care of you? You mention the only other support being your mother... .does she also live with you and your daughter?

Please share more when you are ready, Spacey.  I am glad you are here and want you to know that you are not alone.  This forum is full of the most caring and compassionate people... .good parents, like yourself, faced with horrible circumstances. We are all here to learn and to help each other... . 

  MomMae