Gf of 7 yrs left for a new guy she started hanging out with 2 weeks prior.

[Kevind553]

While my ex has not been diagnosed with BPD she displays much of the criteria. I did not know about BPD until the break up. My gf of almost 7 yrs emotionally cheated on me with another guy that she had started hanging out with 2 weeks prior. She left me a week before our 7 yr anniversary. She rubbed it in my face that she had a new guy. At times she would be nice and told me she would always care and love me, hell she still told me loved me every night until I moved out. I asked her why she felt no remorse and she looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said because she thinks it’s funny what she is doing to me and that life isn’t fair. I have went NC and I’m 9 days in and I just miss her so much, idk what to do next

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

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Wow... .7 years.

So what happened? Is she still with the other guy?

[WileyCoyote]

 

Hi Kevind553!

Welcome to BPD Family.  You will find a great resource here in the people as well as the info on tools you can implement to make the situation better for you.


I wanted to clarify some things that you wrote.   You said she left you before your 7 year anniversary, and then you mentioned that you moved out.

Are you saying she got a new guy, rubbed it in your face, was still saying she loved you, and then you moved out?
Just trying to understand sequence of events.

Keep in mind I am in no position to diagnose anyone.  Especially with just one side of the story.   But my first reaction to her thinking this is funny is that it seems more like Narcissist Personality Disorder characteristics than BPD.  pwBPD do not get pleasure from giving you pain.  They feel intense shame that they can't control themselves.  People with NPD actually get some pleasure out of inflicting pain on people. It makes them feel powerful and above you.

They do have a lot of other overlap in other behaviors though.  Check out these links.
NPD
BPD

Knowing this might help you think more clearly about what your next steps are.

Are there any other events during the 7 years that might give us some more insight into your relationship?

[Enabler]

I asked her why she felt no remorse and she looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said because she thinks it’s funny what she is doing to me and that life isn’t fair.

WOW... .was this the first time she exhibited such callous behavior? That's chillingly cold.

[Kevind553]

Yes she did all this while I was living with her, her parents where letting me stay with them and save for my own place (I moved after graduating HS to be with her) so yes I was living there and she rubbed it in my face until I worked a 2 week notice at my job and moved out.

[Kevind553]

Also yes that was the first time she displayed it to that level, she has said hurtful things like that in the past and so have I but we made up for it. She has never displayed an emotion as cold as that. Actually two days prior she was telling me she would always love and care about me and she hated herself for ending it like this, and she wanted to be friends in the future.

[Kevind553]

Hi Kevind553!

Welcome to BPD Family.  You will find a great resource here in the people as well as the info on tools you can implement to make the situation better for you.


I wanted to clarify some things that you wrote.   You said she left you before your 7 year anniversary, and then you mentioned that you moved out.

Are you saying she got a new guy, rubbed it in your face, was still saying she loved you, and then you moved out?
Just trying to understand sequence of events.

Keep in mind I am in no position to diagnose anyone.  Especially with just one side of the story.   But my first reaction to her thinking this is funny is that it seems more like Narcissist Personality Disorder characteristics than BPD.  pwBPD do not get pleasure from giving you pain.  They feel intense shame that they can't control themselves.  People with NPD actually get some pleasure out of inflicting pain on people. It makes them feel powerful and above you.

They do have a lot of other overlap in other behaviors though.  Check out these links.
NPD
BPD

Knowing this might help you think more clearly about what your next steps are.

Are there any other events during the 7 years that might give us some more insight into your relationship?

Other things that happens were I would have to to apologize first imand it was like her apologies meant nothing, we couldn’t watch certain movies that showed nudity or go to the beach bc that would mean I was going to cheat on her. I was a doormat to this because we got together at 14 and 13 and she was my first real gf so I put up with it and it got worse over time. I have lied to her in our relationship about watching porn and there have been issues because of that but I was going to therapy and she was happy as could be for that.

[Enabler]

Other things that happens were I would have to to apologize first imand it was like her apologies meant nothing, we couldn’t watch certain movies that showed nudity or go to the beach bc that would mean I was going to cheat on her.

I can certainly empathise with that, going on a beach holiday or watching anything other than a PG movie was a minefield. Horrible when even your instincts are scrutinised. Totally imascalating.

[Kevind553]

I can certainly empathise with that, going on a beach holiday or watching anything other than a PG movie was a minefield. Horrible when even your instincts are scrutinised. Totally imascalating.

Meanwhile she got to watch whatever she wanted to when I wasn’t around

[WileyCoyote]

Meanwhile she got to watch whatever she wanted to when I wasn’t around

This is par for the course Kevin553.  You will find story after story here about the frustrating hypocrisy that many BPD partners practice.


You said you WERE going to therapy.  Are you still going?
If so how is out going? Or if no why not?

[Kevind553]

This is par for the course Kevin553.  You will find story after story here about the frustrating hypocrisy that many BPD partners practice.


You said you WERE going to therapy.  Are you still going?
If so how is out going? Or if no why not?

Therapy was going great, he was helping me out dealing with all this. However I am no longer going because I had to move back home with my mom. Had to quit my job and move back because I could no longer stay with her and could not afford rent on my own