Relationship in serious jeopardy

[Shup78]

Hello. I'm in a 3 year relationship with my fiance' who I believe may have BPD. She has never been diagnosed but shows all the classic traits. I've been through the wringer on the receiving end of her emotional tirades. We are supposed to get married in September and we are currently in the middle of one of her anger episodes, so much so that she is threatening to cancel the wedding. She sent me about 50 hateful text messages in a row yesterday stemming from an alcohol-fueled argument we got into the night before last. I love her dearly, and I want to get help for her. In the past she has agreed to go see someone, and I actually have an appointment on the calendar for her, but couldn't get in till mid-September to this particular mental health professional. I'm giving her space right now, hoping she will come back down from this episode, but I'm also fearful that she'll keep the crosshairs pointed at me and basically end the relationship. If anyone has some good advice for me right now I sure would appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[pearlsw]

Hi Shup78,

Does she often threaten to break up with you? How often does this happen? How long do such cycles usually take with her? Has she ever followed through on the threats she makes? Does she ever express any remorse?

with compassion, pearl.

[Shup78]

Yes, any time we have a major fight there's a threat to just end the relationship. 
"I'd be much happier if I were single"  "You don't love me"  "You hate me"  - all the classic BP responses.  It usually happens once a month, sometimes more, but sometimes there are lulls also.  It's very unpredictable.  She's never followed through on a complete break up, but this most recent one feels like it could happen, more so than before.  The anger/rage cycles usually go a few days, then settle a bit into full remorse/I'm sorry/I love you, etc.

[childhoodgone]

Yes, any time we have a major fight there's a threat to just end the relationship. 
"I'd be much happier if I were single"  "You don't love me"  "You hate me"  - all the classic BP responses.  It usually happens once a month, sometimes more, but sometimes there are lulls also.  It's very unpredictable.  She's never followed through on a complete break up, but this most recent one feels like it could happen, more so than before.  The anger/rage cycles usually go a few days, then settle a bit into full remorse/I'm sorry/I love you, etc.

How old is she and how old are you? Does she have how many of the BPD symptoms?

[pearlsw]

Hi Shup78 and childhoodgone,

I am sorry to hear this. I understand. Every single one feels real. Yes, I know this all too well. My SO broke up with me today according to him. We'll see. He breaks up quite often, sometimes it is days, I think the longest between these incidents was 1.5 months once.

I noticed that it could take him a few days to return to a "baseline", maybe you will notice this more and more, what the patterns are.

Is she talking to you at all now? Is she sending angry texts or has that stopped? What is she saying she is upset about?

How do you feel? How do you feel about the wedding?

There is a lot of great information here, and a lot of kind people here who offer a lot of support. I hope you will stick around and take the opportunity to learn more and share/learn with the community here.

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Shup78]

Thanks for the great responses everyone.  We had a really good talk last night after she 'came down' and things are starting to fall back into place.  I will  continue to visit this site, wow! what a treasure trove of great information and testimonials.  We have an appointment on the calendar with a professional and she has agreed to allow me to go with her to that appt.  Until that appt. I will continue to educate myself on BPD and will try to eliminate things that trigger her episodes.  I bought the book "I Hate You Don't Leave" yesterday so I'll read that as well.