26 Daughter, possible BPD, I'm finally here as I don't now where else to turn

[DazdnConfusd]

Hi, I'm here finally. I don't know where else to turn. My daughter is 26 and has a 5 year old son. My daughter has always been a hard to manage child. Defensive, angry, unhappy. She has not been officially diagnosed with BPD but I feel that she has many of the signs of it. Unfortunately, her illness is rubbing off on my grandson. He is now defensive, angry and unhappy. I'm so afraid that the cycle is going to keep going. I am afraid to answer my phone when she calls. It is never good news. I have constant anxiety waiting for the next shoe to drop. I need some help understanding how or if I can even help her. And if not her, can I help my grandson or myself? Any resources, recommendations, suggestions or support will be greatly appreciated. Thank You

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello there DazdnConfused and welcome.

Hi, I'm here finally. I don't know where else to turn.

You have arrived at the right place for sure, there are lots of parents here experiencing similar problems to you and who are willing to share with you and offer their support.

I am afraid to answer my phone when she calls. It is never good news. I have constant anxiety waiting for the next shoe to drop. I need some help understanding how or if I can even help her. And if not her, can I help my grandson or myself? Any resources, recommendations, suggestions or support will be greatly appreciated. Thank You

I too have experienced the anxiety that seems to come with the BPD territory as I’m sure many others here have too. That walking on eggshells feeling, not knowing what to do for best, we all get it, you are not alone 

Like all of us here with our kids, you love your daughter and naturally want to help her, but you can only help her if she acknowledges that she needs help and even allows you to help her. I think that you probably know that already. As for your grandson, you can be an important and good influence on him. If she lets you. What is your relationship like with your grandson? Do you get to see him and spend time with him fairly often?

Now finally you, yes, without doubt you are the one person who you most definitely can help. What is your self care currently like DazdnConfused? Self care can be so difficult for many of us here, it is so easy to forget that we need to take extra special care of ourselves. We also need a good support system around us, what does your support look like?

Sorry to bombard you with so many questions, I look forward to hearing more from you x 

[Faith Spring]

I understand how scared you must feel.  It's terrifying.   Well you're asking the right questions, so you've got that going for you!  How can you help yourself, your daughter, your grandson?  Best to start with yourself.  Get outdoors for a little walk today and think about nothing.  (Try).  It'll help.  Then come back and talk about what's going on.  So many people are here for you.