Daughter 19 stopped treatment and meds, not often home at night freezing me out

[princess ariel]

My daughter is 19 and was recently diagnosed.  She stopped going to treatment, does not take her meds and generally does not do anything to get herself on the right path.  She is not working right now or going to back to school next month.  She spends all day hanging out with her friends and boyfriend.  She doesn't come home a lot of nights.  She says she is an adult and can make her own choices.  What I don't understand is why she refuses to come home even when it was my birthday.  She said she wouldn't come for dinner.  This of course was very hurtful.  At this point I just don't know what to do to help her.  Her friends and boyfriend enable her and I can't get them away from her. She has had some clarity once in awhile and talks about all the right things but then she goes right back to freezing me out and doing nothing.I would love  someone's perspective.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello princess ariel,

I would like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I am sorry to hear of what you are currently going through with your daughter, how frustrating and painful it must be for you 

You say that your daughter tells you that she is an adult and can make her own choices, yes, that is true, but it doesn’t mean that you have to accept her choices. Do you communicate to her what you find acceptable and what is not? What about consequences?

Keep sharing and reading others posts, you will get lots of support and valuable insight x 

[princess ariel]

I am having trouble setting boundaries because consequences are hard.  I pay for her cell phone but if I don't I won' t know how to get a hold of her.  She never asks me for anything.  I am pretty sure that her boyfriend is paying for whatever she needs at this point.  He enables her and so does her friend and I feel like I can't get anywhere with her if they continue.