Will this go on forever?

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello,
I have a 24 year old son who  has moved in with my husband and I.  We had moved out of the country for one year as he was physically and mentally killing us and our  marriage of over thirty years.
I have taken a job where he will finally get DBT treatment by someone actually certified. 
Our son is a major smart ass (sorry for the cuss word) who finds fault with everything his father and I do.  He is verbally abusive to me and when my husband and I try to tell him how inappropriate he is he threatens to kill himself.  We don't even bother calling 911 anymore as he will talk his way out of it and even if we Baker Act him he is out of the hospital withing 24 hours.  He sucks the life out of both of us.  He has tried to kill himself and was in a coma once for five days after OD ing on his psych meds. 

Trying to hold a job is difficult and we lost our last two jobs due to his disease.
My husband and I both have PhD's but according to our son he just can't believe we are this stupid.   I know I need to go to a therapist but I just moved to this town one week ago and if I hear one more person ask me if I am doing anything good for myself I will throw up. 

We are tired and ready to retire but we can't as he will not get the type of therapy he needs on Medicaid.  I so wish I had know this would happen before I had kids and yes I would not have had them.  Judge me if you want but I really don't care. 

Ok, I am done. 
Doch

[doch]

Hello,
I have a 24 year old son who  has moved in with my husband and I.  We had moved out of the country for one year as he was physically and mentally killing us and our  marriage of over thirty years.
I have taken a job where he will finally get DBT treatment by someone actually certified. 
Our son is a major smart ass (sorry for the cuss word) who finds fault with everything his father and I do.  He is verbally abusive to me and when my husband and I try to tell him how inappropriate he is he threatens to kill himself.  We don't even bother calling 911 anymore as he will talk his way out of it and even if we Baker Act him he is out of the hospital withing 24 hours.  He sucks the life out of both of us.  He has tried to kill himself and was in a coma once for five days after OD ing on his psych meds. 

Trying to hold a job is difficult and we lost our last two jobs due to his disease.
My husband and I both have PhD's but according to our son he just can't believe we are this stupid.   I know I need to go to a therapist but I just moved to this town one week ago and if I hear one more person ask me if I am doing anything good for myself I will throw up. 

We are tired and ready to retire but we can't as he will not get the type of therapy he needs on Medicaid.  I so wish I had know this would happen before I had kids and yes I would not have had them.  Judge me if you want but I really don't care. 

Ok, I am done. 
Doch

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Faith Spring]

Hi Doch, that's the million dollar question isn't it?  Will this go on forever.  Some people say it gets easier over time.

I love what you wrote because you are honest.  I feel my job is at risk because of the time I need to deal with this.  I'd move away too    A year, that must've been some exhale.  And now you're back in the thick of it.  I wonder if soldiers with ptsd feel this way when they're forced back to the front lines. 

I can't take the smart Alec business either, it's just the pits. 

You've got a few things going for you- your marriage is intact, he's going to DBT, you know you need support from a psychologist, and you found us.   I promise not to tell you to take care of yourself as it'd just cause one huge vomitorium across the web. ;)   I'm glad you're here and hope you find something good here for you. 

[SkellyII]

Hi Doch,

Like yourself, I am fairly new here, but I seriously doubt that anyone here is going to judge you for expressing your true feelings. I think most of us, if not all, have been, or continue to be in your type of situation.

I have over time expressed the same sentiments that you have... .and more.

DBT has produced some good results for my daughter, so that sounds like a good start.

Just remember, you are not alone.

[Good2behere]

Hi, Doch,

I'm new here as well. I am not new to BPD, unfortunately. There have been a total of four of them in my life. Apparently, having a personality disorder is the new black? Three of them are related by blood, but none of them were raised by the same parents and are not the same ages or even live in the same part of the country.

I have a dd that is 24, and she is actually doing better than she was for several years. We had to make her move out a year ago, and somehow, she got on a better track on her own. I know that things can change overnight, but there is some degree of stability for right now. However, because of her past actions, she can't live with us again. So, at least that part, for us, will not go on forever.

While therapists may be trying to figure out what was "invalidating" about our offspring's home environment as a child, all while we have revolved our life around trying to get them into DBT, I can at least say that I have felt validated as a parent, here, by other parents.

Oh, and Doch, make sure you take time out for yourself. I have found the romantic walks around the ICU floor to be really restorative. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I have to hold back on the dark humor everywhere else.

G2B

[wendydarling]

Hi Doch  

Welcome to you. I'm now an old timer here, coming up 3 years, my daughter has made great strides, through DBT, I'm grateful and thankful, she is also.

You are tired, me too... I'm now coming up for air... .

And look forward to supporting you forwards with parents here.

WDx