My daughter is breaking my heart

[watsmyname]

I am here again it seems. I have no memory of posting here before but apparently my last input was 2014. I have no memory of that and I wish I could say it’s been smooth sailing since then but sadly it’s not.
My 20 year old daughter took an overdose and significantly self harmed last week and since then my world has crashed to an all time low. This was not her fist overdose or self harm, she has been struggling with BPD since she was 12 and over the years many trauma memories have become evident and I have been right by her side through the past 8 + years. I’ve done numerous courses and have developed an enormous insight into BPD. Since last week she has chosen to ‘be an adult’ and has determined I should no longer be listed as her next of kin selecting a random friend as her next of Kin. She has also decided to not speak with me at all telling me I have hurt her in her teenage years and she can’t cope this. She is still an impatient in a psych ward and I have been gaining information from her new next of kin. She has apparently listed her address as ‘homeless’
My daughter has lived with me forever, she has always had a safe and secure home with me there supporting her in every way I can. I want to send her a validating text but I’m at a loss as to what I can say. My heart is breaking and I’m so very concerned for her welfare. I want to be there for her, but more importantly I want her to know I am here, I love and always will love her unconditionally.
Any suggestions would be greatly received.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[DremNCWgrl]

watsmyname,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If nothing else, at least you have the support of her friend that is information sharing with you!  Just trying to find a bright side. I empathize with you and am sending you a virtual hug! 

[Merlot]

Hi whatsmyname

Welcome here to the bpdfamily again

This sounds incredibly traumatic, and Im glad youve reached out here for support. She is in the right place at the moment to revive the critical care she needs.

I can hear how painful it is for you that she has changed her next of kin and suggested you have hurt her when all you have done is love her. I really can relate to this as my DD27 has done yhe same. Hopefully this is temporary as she receoves treatment and therapy.

Take heart, that although it feels personal, they hurt the ones they love the most.

You have done much learning which is great, but I certainly hear your need for support. Do you have some close friends/family to lean on?
We are all here with you too through your crisis and beyond.

Take care of yourself and we looking forward to hearing from you.

Merlot

[watsmyname]

Thank you for your responses, virtual hugs and general support. I have great friends but I am also acutely aware that all though they try, they don’t get it. And to be honest neither they should. No one should have to live this nightmare. I’ve arranged to see a BPD specific counselor who I am hoping can help me to re enforce all the strategies I have learnt and remind me how I can utilize them.
Sounds crazy but I’ve also started tapping. Has anyone tried it? I honestly believe it is helping me to remain just that little bit calmer. When I feel my thoughts of worry and sadness taking over me I tap. I’ve ever been into much of the alternative therapy line, but this one is simple, no cost and can be done on the spot. No harm in trying it if you haven’t heard of it. Just search tapping in managing anxiety and give it a go.

[Feeling Better]

Hi watsmyname

Just want to say how pleased I am to hear that you have some great friends and I understand when you say that they don’t get it, to be honest, it’s a lot for anyone to take in unless they are actually living it. Even members of my own family struggle to believe what I have told them about my uBPD son. They don’t see anything wrong with him but then they’ve not seen the him that I have seen.

So glad to hear that you have arranged to see a BPD specific counsellor and hope that you benefit greatly from the sessions with the counsellor. Hope you keep us posted as you work with him/her.

Tapping, yes. I go to health Qigong classes and we have done tapping during certain Qigong forms. Qigong itself is gentle stretching and breathing exercises that are designed to help the energy flow through your body. Thanks for sharing that you are finding tapping beneficial to you x