The link that led me here (sharing).

[Red5]

Been digging through old posts, came across this in an ancient post I wrote a long time ago now... .THIS is the “decoder ring”... .the “Enigma Machine” (Enabler) that led me here to BPDfam... .Jan was a year ago now... .so enjoy !

www.talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell-2.html#post473522

Maybe I shoulda named this thread... .“The night the light bulb came on”... .or “Then night Red5 found a box of clues”... .or “The night of illumination”... .or maybe “The night Red5 cracked the code”... .

If you read pretty far down, the writer (Uptown) tells his friend (Maybeltsme) to come here and “lurk”... .I remember it well,

This should be worth some “mileage”... .
  
Red5

[AskingWhy]

Red, thank you for sharing the link.

As nons, after the initial shock and uneasiness of coming to terms with the behavior of our pwBPD, we start to look for answers. 

I bought "Eggshells" and "Splitting" about two years ago, but only recently has uBPD/uNPD H really caused me concern until recently.  Now I am actively stepping back and trying not to be emotional about looking in-depth at my marriage to H.

It's hard to do this with a spouse--a person you live with and see every day. 

Doesn't distance lend perspective?   

Still, I can clearly see the mechanisms at work and can almost pinpoint the moment when he will explode or start becoming critical of me, or make a divorce threat or an inference to divorce.

He is happiest when he is on good terms with all of his children, mostly when he has given them money or bailed them out of jail or helped them into rehab. Then they are still gushing at him and fawning all over him until the next cataclysm in their lives happens, usually of their own poor life choices.  As soon as one of his children makes him unhappy, he projects his rage onto me because I am the closest target.   He also gets testy after a hard day at work, esp. if he has skipped lunch.  Like a cranky baby.

That said, my first "lightbulb" was "Eggshells."

 

[RolandOfEld]

Thanks for sharing, Red.

My light bulb moment ironically came from my wife herself, who sent me an email one day last year with a link to a site about BPD. The e-mail that changed my life, literally. At first I thought, OK what does she think she has now. Had no idea where it would go from there... .

~ROE

[OnPinsAndNeedles]

Wow, Red5!  That is an excellent post.  Thanks for sharing it.  It describes BPD so perfectly and completely.  I'm going to save this post to show my son.