Child with BPD traits

[IngridD]

Hi my daughter has BPD - she is just 16 years old and has been in hospital for two years, after developing severe anorexia. The eating disorder has gone but the impulsiveness continues. She hasn't wanted to see me for a year , nor has she spoken to me. I'm sick with worry about her future and feel powerless to do anything. I'm hoping for a breakthrough but I just have to sit and hope.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello IngridD 

Welcome

I’m so sorry to hear of what you are going through with your daughter. My uBPD son is NC (no contact) with me so I understand how worried you must be feeling, it’s really heartbreaking when our children cut us out of their lives.

You say that your daughter hasn’t wanted to see you for a year, nor has she spoken to you. That must be so hard to bear. You also say that your daughter has been in hospital for two years, is she still in hospital?

Please take care of yourself if you can IngridD, self care is so important. I hope to hear more from you x 

[Turkish]

Who is she living with right now?

[IngridD]

Hi there,

She is in a hospital where she managed to overcome a severe eating disorder but she is finding it hard to scrap the Self harm and she still has suicidal thoughts. She wants to be transferred to a new unit and I am insisting that the unit must facilitate contact with me and de institutionalise her.

It hurts me that she is not in contact but sometimes we make contact but usually when she wants something. I sometimes think that is better than nothing. We were ever so close, in fact I still in some ways feel close to her now. I send her cards about once every two weeks to make her know that the door is still open.

Its good to know that others are going or have been through this but when you are in it it is just so tough.

[wendydarling]

Hi IngridD  

I'm sorry and you are right, it is just so tough when you are in it and severe anorexia, BPD is.    I'm glad your daughter is making progress, she managed to overcome a severe eating disorder is a huge step forward.

Has your daughter shared her reason wanting to be transferred to a new unit? Is it in the same hospital? Supporting the family is paramount and that includes facilitating contact and de institutionalising. What's your medics view, advice been on your daughter not wanting to see you, and the recent request for transfer?

That you still feel close to her after you've both been, going through says all to me, keep the door open as you say. When my 30DD came out of crisis (she lives at home) she said she felt gratitude and kindness she was unable to feel when she was so very unwell, fearful and in pain.

Do you have support at home, family, friends?

WDx