Interesting Article on People with NPD, Could Apply to BPD too I think.

[OnPinsAndNeedles]

In a quest to better understand my pwBPD/NPD, I found this article that I thought was interesting.  So many of the behaviors seem to me to be common between people with BPD and people with NPD.  As Cat-Familiar pointed out to me on another thread, people with NPD tend to be more premeditated with their actions and people with BPD tend to be more at the mercy of their emotions, but it seems that the behaviors are similar none-the-less.  

“People with NPD tend to belittle others in a way that positions themselves as the greater or more important person in their relationships, in doing so they can take advantage of those who have more passive personalities and exercise control over that person. Being able to control and manipulate others reinforces the narcissist’s perception that they are all-important.”

"In romantic relationships, narcissists typically go to great lengths to make their partners feel special. That sounds wonderful—and in many cases, it feels pretty great.  Unfortunately, that stage of the relationship doesn’t typically last long.  In a new relationship, a narcissist can appear like an incredibly charming, kind, and intelligent person.  These personality traits, whether they are real or manufactured, are a part of their manipulation strategy. Once they have established a relationship, they begin to show their true selves and adjust their manipulating tactics to bullying and belittling others.  While narcissists might employ a variety of behaviors to woo potential mates, gift-giving seems particularly common—and particularly problematic. A 2016 study found three primary motivations for gift-giving in romantic relationships: intrinsic (in other words, simply showing that a partner is appreciated), maintenance (keeping the relationship going), and power (gaining an advantage over the partner). Narcissists were more likely to give gifts for maintenance or power.  In other words, because narcissists typically have low self-esteem, they’re more likely to see gift-giving as a necessary activity. Obviously, that’s not a great basis for a healthy relationship.
 “Narcissists will go to any lengths to get ‘in’ with a person before they begin to show their true colors.  Excessive flattery, gift-giving, and over-the-top kindness are common at the beginning stages of a relationship with a narcissist.  In any case, the good times don’t last.”

In a conflict, a narcissist will often try to flip the discussion. The other person might hear something like:
“Yeah, but what about the time you….”
“You do it, too.”
“I only did that because you….”
In each case, the takeaway is the same: The narcissist’s bad behavior isn’t really their fault.  (They are incapable of apologizing and moving on)."

 “To manipulate and control others, narcissists will often play the role of the victim.  When another person objects to their behavior, they will turn the situation around and act like they are the one that is being mistreated or misunderstood. If the other party feels guilty, they are less likely to challenge the controlling nature of the narcissist and allow them to continue influencing their decisions.”

“Similarly, narcissists often project their own faults onto their partners. Projection occurs when an individual attributes a characteristic that they see in themselves onto another person.  It’s a defense mechanism that is used by narcissists, most often after they have suffered some blow to their ego. By shifting the blame from themselves onto another person, they both feel better about themselves and have fuel to continue their narcissistic behaviors.”

“As a narcissist becomes more comfortable in a relationship, he (or she, but statistically speaking, most narcissists are male) will often key in on his partner’s insecurities. This is often the point where the non-narcissist realizes something’s wrong.”

“Bullying and demeaning others is a favorite manipulation tactic of narcissists.  Often, narcissists will get to know you well enough that they can target the insecurities that they know have the most effect. They also might attempt to conceal or downplay the severity of their abuse by including compliments with their attacks.”

 “The best way to deal with a narcissist is to recognize and accept their criticism and bullying comes from a place of insecurity, and therefore isn’t valid.  They know what makes their partners self-conscious, and they aren’t above using their partners insecurities to their advantage.”

“At this point, we should acknowledge an important point: Narcissists aren’t sociopaths. They’re typically capable of empathy, and when they realize they’ve made a mistake, they may offer a sincere apology.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean you should accept that apology.  While apologies might sound convincing, they’re worthless without real change, and narcissists aren’t always capable of changing on their own.”

 “Narcissists live in a world where everything revolves around them, and as a result, they put their needs first.”

“Be careful when approaching a person with narcissistic tendencies; don’t use terms like “narcissist,” and try to empathize with the motivations behind their actions.  When approaching a narcissist about their behavior, it’s best to tread lightly when expressing your concern.  It’s important to realize that this kind of behavior comes from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem, and will typically become defensive when someone tries to call out their narcissistic behaviors.”

 “The best way to deal with a narcissist is to recognize and accept their criticism and bullying comes from a place of insecurity, and therefore isn’t valid.  The narcissist only wins when an individual believes that they are inferior to that individual.”

“Narcissists can get better through therapy, but typically they are resistant to treatment because they do not recognize their behavior as a problem.  The only way for a person with narcissistic tendencies to get help is to want it themselves.”

Sal Raichbach, PsyD


https://www.healthyway.com/content/what-a-narcissist-says-and-what-they-really-mean/

[Cat Familiar]

Interesting article, thanks for posting it, OnPins. Learning more about personality disorders, we can see many similarities throughout different diagnoses. For that reason, my psychologist does not distinguish among them, but is content to simply diagnose someone with a personality disorder, rather than label it NPD or BPD.

[AskingWhy]

OPAN, great post. Thank you for sharing.

BPD is often comorbid with NPD, so there is some overlap.  In the "Eggshells" book, it's stated the higher functioning BPDs have more NPD aspects in their makeup.

[defogging]

Good article!  Sad to say, it described my marriage very accurately.

[Red5]

Thanks for sharing Pins !

Red5