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Author Topic: PART 2: CPS Now Involved  (Read 1299 times)
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« Reply #30 on: September 18, 2018, 10:11:07 PM »

Dig,

I've had some dealings with social services, too. Quite a while ago, my son did something that was reported to social services, and he was referred to a counselor. I was told that I could not talk to my son about what went on or what happened in counseling. From a social work standpoint, parents can influence testimony of children easily and the goal is to keep their testimony true to their own experience.

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« Reply #31 on: September 20, 2018, 04:27:34 AM »

I’m sorry for the long silence.

 I have discovered what CPS thought they had on me. It turns out, the social worker was duped by my husband. He convinced her that I had LEFT the emergency placement location the first night we were there, that I brought S5 home all night to stay with him, and couldn’t be found the next morning. The social worker did. It bother to ask me if that were true.

My attorney discovered this after meeting with the CPS attorny. I was able to provide evidence from phone logs and, interestingly, 911 recordings, . My husband had called 911 the first night we didn’t come home, pretending that he had no clue where we were. But, He knew all along, because the social worker had called him from their office a few hours before taking us to our placement, to tell him what had happened.

So there’s recordings from the 911 caller to check on me late that first night, wanting to know where I was and if I was ok. If those well-check calls are recorded, my statements, after being woken up state where S5 and I were.

I was SO relieved! It turns out, the thing CPS thought they had against me, that they were acting on, was a totally conconcted story of lies told by my husband. It turns out, the social worker in my case is known to be lying and vindictive, and twisted biological parents words. She is likely a narcissistic personality.

My attorney is excellent. I am so relieved to have her. She answers calls. And is smart, experienced with lying, manipulative anti-social personalities like my husband.

My parents are here from halfway across the country to petition the court for 3rd party custody of S5. We are hoping for an answer from the judge, to be allowed to return home with them. Otherwise, S5 would go into foster care and I would have no other place to live except the women’s shelter for survivors of domestic violence.

It turns out, everyone involved believes by son. The recordings I have of his disclosure are solid. Also, they know, I would lose my van and means of transporting S5 and I, without my husband paying the bank note on it. Since my husband works in an isolated environment, confined to a mode of transportation with only one other male worker, for 72 hours at a time, they have not arrested him YET. 

The investigator on the case is highly trained in trauma women experience in domestic violence situations. He is sensitive to all matters affecting my well being, and that of S5. Including having gas food and transportation. He has been aware and involved in my case since S5 was S3, because I had been letting him keep a file of all my husband’s behaviors and evidence. The investigator knows how far away my family is, and is likely waiting for us to get to them safely before taking action.

Court, to see the judge in chambers regarding our custody petition was supposed to happen yesterday. Today is the day. S5 will go into foster care, with my parents here waiting in a hotel, and myself checking into the shelter, unless a judge grants our petition.

This may be the last time I get to check in for a few days. Wanted to update everyone. I WAS in more hot water with CPS than I knew, but thankfully, it was an obvious lie concocted by my husband. Who I can start to call some form of ex?

For the boards here,  regarding his behaviors, there is a little borderline narcissism, but it is glaringly obvious, those are secondary to antisocial personality, also called sociopath or psychopath. The real thing. I am so so so glad to feel safe and NOT having to sleep in the same house with THAT kind of person fixated on me as their target.

Bless you all. And thank you for the support. If I get a chance, I’ll post the judge’s decision here.

Dig
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« Reply #32 on: September 20, 2018, 08:57:10 AM »

I’m sorry for the long silence.

 I have discovered what CPS thought they had on me. It turns out, the social worker was duped by my husband. He convinced her that I had LEFT the emergency placement location the first night we were there, that I brought S5 home all night to stay with him, and couldn’t be found the next morning. The social worker did. It bother to ask me if that were true.


So there’s recordings from the 911 caller to check on me late that first night, wanting to know where I was and if I was ok. If those well-check calls are recorded, my statements, after being woken up state where S5 and I were.

I was SO relieved! It turns out, the thing CPS thought they had against me, that they were acting on, was a totally conconcted story of lies told by my husband. It turns out, the social worker in my case is known to be lying and vindictive, and twisted biological parents words. She is likely a narcissistic personality.



Dig,

I am so glad you have a competent attorney. With a case worker who lies, twists the words of the parent and doesn't back up accusations with facts before making decisions that affect the very well-being of the child(ren) the agency is supposed to protect, it is nearly impossible for the truth to see the light of day unless there is a solid legal force working in your corner.

Did the team leader or supervisor believe your h's lies about you as well? Did anyone from CPS even question the validity of his statements?

I sincerely hope the judge grants your petition. I think with such a competent attorney fighting for you that your chances would be good, especially if the main reason CPS placed such harsh restrictions on you turned out to be based upon a lie- a lie told by the person they also believe abused your son.

This is what I meant when I said that the continued involvement of CPS in your life will only complicate matters.

I will pray for you today as you enter the courtroom, pray that God will allow the truth to be made known and that you may find favor with the court and be allowed to take s5 to your parents' house where you can find some much-needed relief and support.

     

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« Reply #33 on: September 20, 2018, 09:01:15 AM »

I'm confused. Wouldn't your host family know where you were that first night (Thursday)?

S5 was molested Monday night. He told you about it Tuesday night. Wednesday night you left him with his dad in the hopes he would be molested again (you needed proof).

Thursday morning, H says he wants to separate/divorce. Afterwards, you report what happened to S5 to CPS.

Is H saying you did not stay at the out-of-home safety/host home Thursday night, and that you came home instead? But then called 911 to report you missing?

Why did the social worker want to see your Starbucks app? What would that information tell her?
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« Reply #34 on: September 20, 2018, 11:51:06 AM »


I understand that yours and your s5 lives are currently in chaos because of the abuse allegations your s5 has disclosed about his father, I am confused though by some of the information in your posts. I don't know what is factual and what is assumed by you about what is happening around you.
Just some thoughts, how do you know your social worker is 'lying and vindictive'? has this information come from someone who knows him/her?
Does what is now known about what your husband told the CPS mean that you can be unsupervised around your s5?

Usually as is my understanding of sexual abuse of children or any such similar case being put together by CPS they have a timeframe to work within under your states statutory guidelines for completion, but law enforcement would have by now arrested your husband and interviewed him under caution with legal representation present. If the police believe there is sufficient evidence to charge your h, they will and a court date will be set. They would also be liaising with CPS. Have you given a statement to the police?
Your comments about the officer biding his time because you have no financial means of your own just doesn't make any sense to me. Unless the police system is completely different in the US this just wouldn't happen.
I hope your parents get temporary emergency custody of your son.
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« Reply #35 on: September 20, 2018, 01:41:20 PM »

If your parents get temporary emergency custody, will you be allowed to be around S5 unsupervised, or will they need to be with you at all times?

Would they be able to take S to their state, or will he be required to remain in the same county that you currently live?
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« Reply #36 on: September 20, 2018, 02:02:14 PM »

I'm confused. Wouldn't your host family know where you were that first night (Thursday)?

Did the social worker think you left the safety placement without your hosts knowledge? Is that perhaps why they were being so insistent that the hosts make sure that they never left you alone with s5?

Is the petition for your parents to have joint custody along with you, or for them to have sole custody and you to be a non-custodial parent? If CPS was basing your supervised restrictions with your son on something that can be proven to be false, could you not still have custody of your son and live with your parents for safety and support?

Why are they insisting on pushing for foster care? Is it because of you leaving s5 alone with h that one last time?

What would happen if you do get to go to your parents'? Would CPS transfer your case to that state, or would they close the case if your parents are awarded custody? What would be required for you to gain custody back, if your parents are awarded custody?

Have you spoken to the detective about your h? Will they notify you if they arrest him?

Sending you     

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« Reply #37 on: September 20, 2018, 03:02:07 PM »

I have discovered what CPS thought they had on me. It turns out, the social worker was duped by my husband. He convinced her that I had LEFT the emergency placement location the first night we were there, that I brought S5 home all night to stay with him, and couldn’t be found the next morning. The social worker did. It bother to ask me if that were true.

I read through this again, and I think you may be misunderstanding what you were told, or that whoever told your L this confused the details.

Is it possible that what they meant is that you are in trouble because after S5's disclosure, you and S stayed all night in the home with your H and then left S5 alone with H the following morning?  You have admitted that this happened, to us and to the authorities.

That makes more sense to me considering that the restrictions started the very first night (when you were given 45 minutes to find a host family or turn S over to CPS).  The restrictions did not start on day 2.

I think that it is too soon for you to be as relieved as your post sounds.  It sounds as if you are still in very hot water with CPS if you are being forced to relinquish custody to the state (and, hopefully, your parents).  I hope your L is able to craft a very sound plan for you to regain custody - or, at the very least, to have unsupervised time with your son.

Do you have a therapist for yourself, Dig?  This has to be an incredibly stressful time for you.  It might benefit you to speak with a counselor, both to deal with the stress that you are currently under and to process that you put your son in danger.  I suspect that you won't be getting unsupervised time or regaining custody until you can acknowledge that you should not have made that choice, and therapy will be a good way to show that you are working on overcoming the mental anguish that your abusive marriage caused you - mental anguish that led you to make that choice.
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« Reply #38 on: September 20, 2018, 04:49:35 PM »

I had called 911 and months later when I spoke with my new lawyer he said by then they had probably recycled the tapes (process back in 2005?).  So I never thought ahead to ask for recordings before they were forever gone.

Who knows what the policy is in your area.  However, surely better to have a bird in your hand (possession) than maybe in the bush.  Probably you or your lawyer can ask for copies of the 911 calls so you know you have them.  Likely all you need are the phone numbers likely used.
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« Reply #39 on: September 20, 2018, 09:10:04 PM »

Dignity&Strength, like you, we are very concerned about S5. How is he and what is the update? We hope he’s well. Also, how are you holding up?
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« Reply #40 on: September 21, 2018, 12:01:33 AM »

I think I may have missed a turn of events.  If the court hearing to place your s5 with your parents doesn't work out, why would he go to foster care?  Why not back with the host family?
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« Reply #41 on: September 21, 2018, 09:39:47 AM »

Hi Dig,

Thanks for letting us know that it might be a few days before you can post again. When you have a chance to let us know how things are going, and before you post a general update, please run through the questions that people have asked you -- they are pulled together below to make it easier for you to respond to each one.

When members can't follow basic facts in a crisis, it makes it hard to know what kind of support to provide our peers here.

You are handling a lot and this is understandably a hard time. People also want to be able to make sense of what the nature of the crisis is about and it's getting hard to tell what's going on.

Thank you for taking some time to get back to people on their concerns/questions:

I Am Redeemed asked:

*Did the team leader or supervisor believe your h's lies about you as well? Did anyone from CPS even question the validity of his statements?
*Did the social worker think you left the safety placement without your hosts knowledge? Is that perhaps why they were being so insistent that the hosts make sure that they never left you alone with s5?
*Is the petition for your parents to have joint custody along with you, or for them to have sole custody and you to be a non-custodial parent?
*If CPS was basing your supervised restrictions with your son on something that can be proven to be false, could you not still have custody of your son and live with your parents for safety and support?
*Why are they insisting on pushing for foster care? Is it because of you leaving s5 alone with h that one last time?
*What would happen if you do get to go to your parents'? Would CPS transfer your case to that state, or would they close the case if your parents are awarded custody?
*What would be required for you to gain custody back, if your parents are awarded custody?
*Have you spoken to the detective about your h? Will they notify you if they arrest him?

LnL asked:

*Wouldn't your host family know where you were that first night (Thursday)?
*Is H saying you did not stay at the out-of-home safety/host home Thursday night, and that you came home instead? But then called 911 to report you missing?
*Why did the social worker want to see your Starbucks app? What would that information tell her?

sweetheart asked:

*how do you know your social worker is 'lying and vindictive'? has this information come from someone who knows him/her?
*Does what is now known about what your husband told the CPS mean that you can be unsupervised around your s5?
*Have you given a statement to the police?

worriedstepmom asked:

*If your parents get temporary emergency custody, will you be allowed to be around S5 unsupervised, or will they need to be with you at all times?
*Would they be able to take S to their state, or will he be required to remain in the same county that you currently live?
*Is it possible that what they meant is that you are in trouble because after S5's disclosure, you and S stayed all night in the home with your H and then left S5 alone with H the following morning?
*Do you have a therapist for yourself, Dig?

JNChell asked:

*we are very concerned about S5. How is he and what is the update?

Radcliff asked:

*If the court hearing to place your s5 with your parents doesn't work out, why would he go to foster care?  Why not back with the host family?
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« Reply #42 on: September 23, 2018, 05:01:14 AM »

Hi Dig,

Thanks for letting us know that it might be a few days before you can post again. When you have a chance to let us know how things are going, and before you post a general update, please run through the questions that people have asked you -- they are pulled together below to make it easier for you to respond to each one.

When members can't follow basic facts in a crisis, it makes it hard to know what kind of support to provide our peers here.

You are handling a lot and this is understandably a hard time. People also want to be able to make sense of what the nature of the crisis is about and it's getting hard to tell what's going on.

Thank you for taking some time to get back to people on their concerns/questions:

I Am Redeemed asked:

*Did the team leader or supervisor believe your h's lies about you as well? Did anyone from CPS even question the validity of his statements?  YES, they believed him and did not ask me or my host family.
*Did the social worker think you left the safety placement without your hosts knowledge? Is that perhaps why they were being so insistent that the hosts make sure that they never left you alone with s5?  Yes, the social worker thought this.  Not being left alone had something to do with my husband accusing me of coaching s5 to disclose.  He had an opportunity to do this when the social worker called him during the crisis, to ask him if he had any family or friends to possibly be a host family for s5 and I that night.  It is beyond me why the social worker would have even asked him for possibilities, or that she believed him at face value and treated me accordingly.
*Is the petition for your parents to have joint custody along with you, or for them to have sole custody and you to be a non-custodial parent? It is for 3rd party custody.  I retain sole custody, and they join along with me.  
*If CPS was basing your supervised restrictions with your son on something that can be proven to be false, could you not still have custody of your son and live with your parents for safety and support?  It is complicated, especially with the forensic interview team, pending divorce and criminal cases.  The judge said, if s5 made any new disclosures, I would be required to bring him back to this state to allow the original forensic interviewer to see him.  That had something to do with a logistical nightmare, the judge said.
*Why are they insisting on pushing for foster care? Is it because of you leaving s5 alone with h that one last time?  My foster parent contacts in the system are in agreement, I have a cruel, not very smart, narcissistic social worker who has no business having this kind of power and control over other people.  It has to do with that.  Her last name seems to be big in the social work office, there were more than 3 employees of her last name in the automated phone directory, and the name is NOT a common one.  That may be why her supervisor is allowing the social worker's recommendations.
*What would happen if you do get to go to your parents'? Would CPS transfer your case to that state, or would they close the case if your parents are awarded custody? I have been ordered to live with s5 temporarily until further notice, with the stipulation that I bring s5 back to the state the events happened in, if he makes new disclosures, and also for any court appearances.  If I do not return for court appearances, I will be held in contempt of court.  CPS is no longer involved, the judge told them to back off, they did not know better for this medical special needs child than his mother.  When the judge asked me about s5's conditions, I was allowed to describe the details of his conditions and care, this helped I think.
*What would be required for you to gain custody back, if your parents are awarded custody?  Mute point.  The judge did not grant the motion for 3rd party custody.  He only ordered me and s5 to live temporarily with my parents, since my husband is in the marital home.  They are allowing him to live and work there until the criminal trial, because I have been unemployed as a home maker for nearly 10 years.
*Have you spoken to the detective about your h? Will they notify you if they arrest him?  I have not heard from the detective since the night I reported to CPS.  I arrived at CPS with copies of s5's disclosures on flash drive for him.  I have been told, if he needs anything more from me, he will call me.  I do not know when they will arrest him.  I am assuming, given the financial elements, after sentencing in the criminal trial.

LnL asked:

*Wouldn't your host family know where you were that first night (Thursday)? Yes.  Seems incompetent the social worker wouldn't ask them.  Either that or she is a blatant narcissistic liar like my husband.
*Is H saying you did not stay at the out-of-home safety/host home Thursday night, and that you came home instead? But then called 911 to report you missing?  Yes, that's it.  He is saying I did not stay at the host home Thursday night, but came home, dropped of s5 with him, and went out partying or something like that, and called 911 that night to report me missing, and then my dad the next morning.  A fairly large effort on his part to create a lie.
*Why did the social worker want to see your Starbucks app? What would that information tell her?  It has the dates of purchases.  It would tell her if I were at Starbucks any of the nights that week the events took place.  Interestingly, I recall, in the past, remembering her sharing the large community table where I do my schoolwork.  

sweetheart asked:

*how do you know your social worker is 'lying and vindictive'? has this information come from someone who knows him/her?  Yes.  This info has come from a seasoned veteran foster parent and a few ladies in the women's domestic violence support group I attend.
*Does what is now known about what your husband told the CPS mean that you can be unsupervised around your s5?
*Have you given a statement to the police?  Not that I am aware of.  I did copy the detective on the disclosure recordings.

worriedstepmom asked:

*If your parents get temporary emergency custody, will you be allowed to be around S5 unsupervised, or will they need to be with you at all times?  I don't know how that would have worked.  The judge didn't allow the motion for shared 3rd party custody.
*Would they be able to take S to their state, or will he be required to remain in the same county that you currently live?  This was our main concern, this issue of states.  It would have been impossible for my parents to move to my state or rent an apartment there.  In order for s5 and I to even have a place to live besides the women's shelter, regardless of CPS invlvement, the judge had to find a way to allow us to return to my parents state with them.  
*Is it possible that what they meant is that you are in trouble because after S5's disclosure, you and S stayed all night in the home with your H and then left S5 alone with H the following morning? No.  I have on authority from the social work department's attorney, specifically what they believed.
*Do you have a therapist for yourself, Dig?  I have maintained high standards of self care in all aspects of my health over the course of this psychologically, emotionally abusive marriage, including the aspect you ask.  If I recall, I believe you asked this question in an earlier post.

JNChell asked:

*we are very concerned about S5. How is he and what is the update?  He is doing very well, is happy and playing.  He has favorite things, and emotional support items that I had saved in storage, as part of our emergency safety plan, in case we ever had to leave the house and go to the women's shelter.  He is very glad to see favorite things.  I am trying to keep things as fun and normal as possible for him.  We have done homeschool pre-k, and are in the beginning of homeschool K, and I was prepared to do this from anywhere, with the back of my van loaded with all of his kindergarten things.  Emotionally, he is showing remarkable resilience, with a few moments of understandable sadness and concern about his daddy.  Thankfully, those are short lived questions, easily answered with something like, daddy is working on learning to be the best daddy ever.  I am mindful of the Bill Eddy book on not alienating the kids.  I think it is important to affirm s5's feelings with understanding, to say, it's ok to miss daddy, it's ok to feel sad... .Mommy feels sad too.  He has talked a few times about remembering good, fun things with daddy, and I have affirmed those as well.  Basically, my active listening skills from working on my graduate degree in counseling, applied to s5... .with a huge lean towards Mr. Roger's neighborhood concepts from Daniel Tiger's neighborhood. This program has been a crucial building block in s5's childhood, and we know all of the songs from the "big feelings' lessons from this program.  s5 often likes to sing those, at random, and they are programmed in the van, for him to hear at any time.  This tool is amazingly supportive and helpful.    
s5 is very excited to see grandma and grandpa, that is helping tremendously.  Also, the concept that all of s5's pets are at grandma and grandpa's house, waiting for us to get there.  I had taken the cats and puppies to their house this summer when we visited, to prevent to pattern of harm that seems to happen when I leave them with my H.
 

Radcliff asked:

*If the court hearing to place your s5 with your parents doesn't work out, why would he go to foster care?  Why not back with the host family?  The host family is in NO way trained in trauma or in parenting.  They were an awful choice in that regard.  They were only friends, acquaintances really, who knew of my situation because I was one of their customers.  Regarding parenting, I quickly discovered they are of the harsh, corporal punishment and shame based parenting style.  I would not allow them to apply their 'style' to s5 in any way.  This greatly frustrated them.  I have a background from working in therapeutic foster care, with non-violent crisis interventions, steeped in parenting kids who have experienced trauma.  Each time they questioned my parenting choices, I was careful to explain to them the why of my choice.  This infuriated the wife, who, also disclosed to me, she was kicked out of multiple schools at a very early age for aggressiveness and bullying, and other mental health issues that is still a problem in the present.  She is resistant to help, her husband said, despite glaring signs of deep depression.  So, no.  This newlywed couple with no children, and where the wife was an only child with behavior issues, no.  I would never write a home study to recommend this couple for basic foster care, let alone have my s5.  If the court order him into foster care, I would INSIST on a therapeutic foster family, trained in trauma and crisis parenting.

I hope this helps! Thank you, LNL, for putting this together for me.  I would never have been able to sort through all the material.  I am taking a moment to answer this one at 3 am.  I am still doing grad schoolwork, but having to do that with everyone asleep, so wee hours of the morning it is, to get that done!  I am going to need to catch up on sleep, eventually.

We are headed back with my parents to their home.  My divorce date is set.  The civil motion attached to the PFA is complete and ruled in favor of keeping myself and s5 together with my parents.  This is amazingly wonderful.  We could hear the attorneys bickering in judges chambers, all the way back in the courtroom.  It was a nail biter... .my dv advocate with me cried.  

I suppose this brings the CPS Involved thread to a close?  The next stages of this process with be divorce process.  I have a stack of forms, financial and personal property, house contents, etc. to wade through.  I have some questions about that, but I do not have time to deal with it yet. My parents home was affected by a hurricane recently, and we are headed back to deal with that, in addition to all of the legal drama, s5 kindergarten, and my graduate work.  I am loaded down with responsibility.  It may be a week before I can post again.  

Thank you all for such amazing support.  The crisis has subsided. No more CPS.  The judge told them to take a hike, he was not impressed with their work in this case, and he had better NOT get a call requesting permission for them to take this child ever again.  Hallelujah!

Dig
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« Reply #43 on: September 23, 2018, 09:13:32 AM »

   
I'm so happy for you, Dig.

Thank God for good lawyers and judges.

I am so glad you and s5 can now safely go to your parents and breathe a sigh of relief for awhile.

Take some time for yourself, you deserve it.

Update us when you can. So glad the CPS nightmare is over for you.

Redeemed
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worriedStepmom
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #44 on: September 24, 2018, 08:07:18 AM »

That is wonderful news, Dig!  I am so happy that everything seems to be working out for you and S.  You will be safe, with your parents to help, with full custody and the ability to finish the requirements for your degree.

Kudos to you for being so well-prepared.

Good luck helping your parents - it is not any fun at all to repair a hurricane-damaged home
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12104


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #45 on: September 29, 2018, 09:50:41 PM »

How are things going now,  are you and your son safe?

T
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