Something most bizarre was said..

[Pinacoloda1]

My adult daughter,who was recently diagnosed with BPD,was talking to her two youngest children,
discussing an upcoming soccer game.  She told her son,"I'll be there,and probably susan too... "  Susan then agreed and told her brother "yeah I'll be
there too".  Then my daughter scolds Susan  and says "no susan,you do not TELL me where you're
going,you ASK!"
WHAT?  She just AGREED with my daughter!
Is this a BPD thing?  Wow!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

That must have felt bizarre for you and the children. I'm not sure, it's not something I've noticed in my DD though she has no children.

Sounds like you've not heard a dialogue like this before, is that right?

Like you, I'm interested to hear from other parents.

WDx

[Feeling Better]

Hi Pinacoloda1

How confusing for your granddaughter, was she upset that her mother spoke to her that way?

It sounds to me like a form of control, not sure if it’s a BPD thing x 

[bluek9]

Hi Pinacoloda1,

   I can tell you as a counselor, that's called putting someone in a double bind, very damaging to the psyche! My D attempts to do this all the time with my JJ (he is going to be 7 next month). I really abhor this behavior, it extremely confusing to children. For our situation I don't leave my D alone with JJ for more than an hour at a time, it's just too much or her. If I should hear her doing this to him I intervene immediately. I simply ask my D to think about re-phrasing the question or statement. Usually she can't do this, so I offer suggestions. By no means was this an easy compromise for us.  My D use to tell me to stop butting in, stop taking over her right as a parent, stop usurping her authority.  It's taken 2 years for her to understand that this behavior is harmful. Any way I have had full guardianship of JJ since the first of this year, that was my D's choice, it has changed a lot. I do my best for JJ to understand that she IS HIS MOM, but I make the decisions.
     I know this must be a painful thing for you to hear. How old are the kids?