TEEN with BPD

[Love4family]

Our oldest child, at least in our household, has been through a rough patch with her mother. The case between the two grew to the teenager running away and when luckily found the teenager demanded to CPS I want to live with my father, my husband. If I can not live with my dad I will kill myself, I do not want to stay in my home state with my mom. Through the whole counseling, CPS, and doctors the teenager came to live with father, myself and two half-sisters in a whole other state then the teenager had lived in for all elementary and middle school years. Leaving the mother and oldest sister, back in the teenagers born in the state. While we were in the state of origin, I was on the fence for this stepchild of mine to live with me and the twin toddlers we have in our household. I know of her jealous behavior, wanting to harm herself to get reactions, and make situations playout in her benefit.The ideas, possibilities that could potentially happen, under my watch and with my biological children scared me. My husband, her father is military and travels often. Anywhere from 4 months to 2 weeks he is in and out of the house. However, this teenage child is mine by marriage to my husband. Thinking of all the families that adopt and foster with children of the unknown history. I could help the teenager with the understanding of our house is not going to be the same expectations as you are facing in your home state. Through the year and few months, the teenager has been here, our family has faced: cutting arms to the extent of her thighs and stomach. Going to a program at our local hospital for IOP (intense outpatient program) to help with the manipulation, lack of personal hygiene, the reality that everyone faces “x y z problems.” The teenager just doesn’t have the skill set to tackle or overcome them, and of course the self-harm.  Currently, after a year and 2 months of the teenager living with us we have put her in the same gender RTC (residential treatment center). Where the DBT (Delectable Behavioral Therapy) is the primary key to help teenagers with repetitive traits and habits like the ones we are facing. My husband, her mom, and I are listening to Walking on Eggshells right now and the more I listen I am the one taking on her actions as guilt. My step-daughter plays the role of a victim, very well.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Love4family 

Welcome to bpdfamily, you have come to the right place for help and support with your current situation. It sounds like you are a very caring person and I understand your concerns regarding your two young twins. It is really good to hear that you, your husband and also his ex are all pulling together in the interests of your step daughter. In what way though do you think that you are taking on her actions as guilt?

Hope to hear more from you when you are able x