Stagnant and boring?

[CookieMonster80]

Hey everyone,

Funny enough it was this time last year that I joined due to having difficulties with my BPD gf. Long story short, she became distant and we ended up breaking up. During the break up she slept with a co-worker and it was a long turbulent road that we ventured on when we decided to give things another try. It's been about a year now and everything has seemed back to normal until about a week ago when she started to become distant again. Last night she opened up about how this whole year has been tough on her because she feels like she has no passion in the relationship. She went and saw a psychic that basically reassured her feelings and stated we have fulfilled each others purpose in this relationship.

Last night when she opened up about this I couldn't help but to feel blindsided, angry, and embarrassed. Just a month ago she was saying how our relationship feels like its better than ever and how she can't wait to have a future with me and now she is saying its boring and stagnant. We have been together 4 1/2 years, rarely fight, enjoy each others company, and have a stable relationship aside from the incident last year. I am at a lose for what to say or how to proceed with this as I finally thought things were going smoothly. I know those with BPD have a tendency to seek that adrenaline rush that is associated with being with someone new so is this it for our relationship?

[Cat Familiar]

Four plus years is quite a long stretch, so you've invested some time here. When you broke up and got back together, could it be that it felt like a "honeymoon phase"?

Perhaps the novelty has worn off for her and she's looking for some excitement to satisfy some inner emptiness, as you've mentioned.

Is this a person you imagine spending your life with? Or do you feel like you were "settling"?

[CookieMonster80]

Hi Cat,

Thanks for getting back to me. I stuck around after the first breakup because I saw a life with her. Over the past year we have talked about engagment, marriage, house, etc. and were always on the same page. We even adopted a cat together. As much as I want to be with her, I am so worried that this is going to be a continuous cycle as my emotions cannot handle this.

Going off of what you said she did bring up the "honeymoon phase" last night and asked me if this is what being together for almost 5 years feels like or if she is truely not happy in this relationship. She is aware of her BPD, but it unable to sort through all of her emotions. I am happy she opened up to me but if we decide to stay together, I feel like a part of me will always be on edge about the next time she may be "bored."