Daughter, 27, stuck in half-life

[Sama7]

Hello. I have a 27–year-old daughter who has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression (poorly controlled), but checks off all the boxes for BPD. She has admitted on several occasions to having suicide ideation. I want y daughter to get the best possible treatment for her mental health issues but I also don't feel that it is right to interfere in her personal life which includes what she wants to do about her mental health.

Does anyone have any ideas how to gently suggest that someone might want to explore other possible mental diagnosis?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi there Sama7 and welcome to BPD Family. I'm new too 

I want y daughter to get the best possible treatment for her mental health issues but I also don't feel that it is right to interfere in her personal life which includes what she wants to do about her mental health.

I've only recently started to understand this. My interfering has made things worse at times. It seems like you're ahead of the game - awesome 

I don't have any answers, just wanted to welcome you. You're in good company here.

[wendydarling]

Hi Sama7

I join Only Human welcoming you to our family forum.

You are not interfering by researching the best health care opportunities for your daughter, you are supporting in the background for if, when your DD is ready.

You sound close to your daughter, she shares with you her struggles, her mental health.

Is she working, studying, living close by or far?

A diagnosis is not imperative to gain help, it validated my DD. Is that what you are asking?

WDx

[Merlot]

Hi Sama7

Im sorry that you are going through this. Suicide Ideation can be incredibly confronting and there is clearly some uncertainty for you about her diagnosis.

With her current diagnosis, is she engaging in treatment? If she is that is a good start. It will most likely be up to the professionals to make targeted diagnosis. If not, there is nothing wrong with encouraging her to take responsibility for seeking help when she feels she needs it.

My DD27 was diagnosed three years ago and when we talked about it last year she denies having BPD.  Despite that, like wendydarling suggests, I continue to validate her feelings, set boundaries and let her know I love her, even in thus period of no contact.

We would love to hear more. Has your daughter been experiencing challenges for some time?

Take care and keep coming to talk.

Merlot

[Sama7]

Thank you for the warm welcome.

My daughter is engaged in treatment for her anxiety and depression. This consists of medication for the most part. Over the years she has seen counsellors but has stopped as soon as things got too difficult. I donæt belive she has seen a counsellor in at least three, perhaps four years.

She lives about hour away from us with a man, who at 29, is quite immature due to his own emotional and mental health. He is being treated for ADHD but really presents more as personality disordered. He is sulky, is frustrated at the slightest setback and blames everyone else for his issues.

My spouse and I look at their relationship and shake our heads. She's often b*tchy with him around us. He's often in the mindset of a drama that necessitates them locking themselves away in our basement when they visit.
It makes us (we also have a 23–year–old son) not want to invite them to family occasion and puts us on edge when they do show up. And when their coping skills plummet, they are outside sucking on a bong.

A visit consists of constant misinterpretations, recriminations cutting remarks and backhanded apologies. Her anxiety and depression meds simply aren't doing what they need to be doing. We have made some strong boundaries that help ameliorate the worst, but the rest is really death by a 1,000 paper cuts territory.

[wendydarling]

Hi Sama7

You are on a good path, here with us, where we learn how to gently change the dynamics and learn new tools and lessons that help us better understand and communicate with our loved ones, they are DBT based.

You may have read our leading article
Get Someone into Therapy

Depression and anxiety often fall in line with BPD - co morbid, my 30DD diagnosed at 26, a multitude, she fell into crisis. She's worked through, suicide attempts, ideation, addiction to alcohol, depression, anxiety, psychotic episodes, self harm... .right now eating disorder. DBT. She started with managing depression and anxiety.

It sounds like it may be difficult for you to spend personal time with your daughter, to help focus on building your core relationship? Do you speak on the phone, text... .

Your daughter may reach out for help in time, as you work here with us, so doing your research now may help her and your family.

WDx