Is there a way to get it right?

[JoeBPD81]

I've been depressed the last 2 days, well, more than usual.

My SO has taken a sick leave because of paranoia. She feels someone is about to attack her, and that the technology is spying and ploting agaisnt her. And most of her fear she says it comes from me.

I don't even remember what it was yesterday. On monday it was the day that 4 years ago we decided to call each other girlfriend and boyfriend. We mostly spent all weekends together with her 2 kids. And we've been living together full time for the last 2 and a half. I'm raising her kids, and I'm the father they know and love.

We couldn't exchange gifts because the environment was so tense. We took the kids to the movies and we had a great time, but then they turned agressive when it was the time for showers and homework. We decided to postpone the gift exchange, and the next day, the older kid even pushed my GF to the floor, because she caught him being nasty to the younger kid, and she asked him to leave the room. She fell and got a big bruise from hiting some furniture. It was a hard push. He's 12, but heavier than her.

Among this violence, I try to do my best. But I end up being the bad guy somehow.

I woke up earlier today to drive s12 to school, because he needed to be there earlier than s7. I didn't expect a thank you, but I got that we (s12 and me) were asholes for making some noises that could wake up S7. Everyday it takes us 30 minutes to wake up S7 directly, no way in H he was gonna wake up on his own for some noises (that we were careful not to make, anyway).

I got to work and I found an email from her. Saying I should say directly to her that she has to leave my house, instead of accumulating technology gadgets that I know cause her health problems. That saying that would be nicer, and not saying that is a little sadistic.

She said, that this was the same as her mother buying a dog when she is highly alergic so she wouldn't go to (and much less stay at) her house.

The kids love technology, and most of what I use is to make their lifes more comfortable or to do fun things, including her life. Recently I bought a Chromecast, so there wouldn't be cables lying around to hook the TV to the computer. Her phone recognizes the chromecast and that disturbs her deeply. She bought tablets and a computer for the kids sooner than I thought it was right. She's on the phone more often than me. So the only technology that bothers her, is the one I use.

The other thing that bothered her a lot is a pendrive that I lend her that could be hook to her phone via micro USB. She had told me that the only thing that distracted her was some TV show. So I took the time to download about 10 episodes for her, and gave it to her in that pendrive. She said that gadget has deleted the pictures on her phone, which is totally unrelated. When I offered to save her pictures from the SD card, she went ballistic, that was last night.

So it seems everything nice I try to do for her, turns against me. I'm an honest guy and I'm constantly worried about how my actions look, and what she could think, because she thinks I'm a sneaky bstrd and a cheater. Now I have to add "a little sadistic" to the list.

She's saying she's gonna ask her sister to take them for a while (A sister (drug abuser) that has backstab them again and again). She's said that kind of thing countless times. I'm at a point that if she leaves for real, so be it. I love her, but I'm really tired about being treated like an enemy when I don't have a life, and I give everything to them.

I'm sorry for the rant, but I was about to explode today, and I needed to tell someone. I must seek therapy for myself, but it's not available at the moment. Thanks for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

I'm sorry to hear things have been rough, JoeBPD81.

My SO has taken a sick leave because of paranoia.

That's pretty rough, for both of you.

Does she recognize that it's paranoia? While at the same time believing what her paranoia is telling her?

She feels someone is about to attack her, and that the technology is spying and ploting agaisnt her. And most of her fear she says it comes from me.

No wonder you feel down. Living with someone who feels paranoid is pretty tough! How do you respond when she talks about the attack/spying?

I'm glad you came and posted here. It has to be hard trying to accommodate two realities that are so different, and take a toll on you.

Saying I should say directly to her that she has to leave my house, instead of accumulating technology gadgets that I know cause her health problems. That saying that would be nicer, and not saying that is a little sadistic.

Is there something going on in her life, more difficult or stressful than the usual?

So it seems everything nice I try to do for her, turns against me.

Or is she struggling to make sense of her own low self worth, not sure how to reconcile it with signs that contradict that (e.g. what you do, including nice things).

[Long_term_dad]

Hi JoeBPD81,

Your situation sounds very difficult. You're doing the right thing posting here. There are people here with a lot of experience who will be able to guide you.  Just participating is taking a step towards healing.

I'm new here and can't claim any particular expertise but will say that the cycle of trying everything and being wrong about everything is familiar.  In my family it was so commonplace that my daughter once got me a gift of a hat with the word "Wrong" embroidered on it.  Funny as a gift, but moment by moment x many years = crazy-making.  I feel your frustration.

My newbie advice here is twofold:

1) Post, as you have, and you will get support and some useful feedback and tips;
2) Read and reply to others.  Helping others, even if you're feeling in the thick of it, and even if only by letting them know they're not alone, is really therapeutic.

Good luck.  It will get better. You're not alone, here.

Thanks for posting.

I've been depressed the last 2 days, well, more than usual.

My SO has taken a sick leave because of paranoia. She feels someone is about to attack her, and that the technology is spying and ploting agaisnt her. And most of her fear she says it comes from me.

I don't even remember what it was yesterday. On monday it was the day that 4 years ago we decided to call each other girlfriend and boyfriend. We mostly spent all weekends together with her 2 kids. And we've been living together full time for the last 2 and a half. I'm raising her kids, and I'm the father they know and love.

We couldn't exchange gifts because the environment was so tense. We took the kids to the movies and we had a great time, but then they turned agressive when it was the time for showers and homework. We decided to postpone the gift exchange, and the next day, the older kid even pushed my GF to the floor, because she caught him being nasty to the younger kid, and she asked him to leave the room. She fell and got a big bruise from hiting some furniture. It was a hard push. He's 12, but heavier than her.

Among this violence, I try to do my best. But I end up being the bad guy somehow.

I woke up earlier today to drive s12 to school, because he needed to be there earlier than s7. I didn't expect a thank you, but I got that we (s12 and me) were asholes for making some noises that could wake up S7. Everyday it takes us 30 minutes to wake up S7 directly, no way in H he was gonna wake up on his own for some noises (that we were careful not to make, anyway).

I got to work and I found an email from her. Saying I should say directly to her that she has to leave my house, instead of accumulating technology gadgets that I know cause her health problems. That saying that would be nicer, and not saying that is a little sadistic.

She said, that this was the same as her mother buying a dog when she is highly alergic so she wouldn't go to (and much less stay at) her house.

The kids love technology, and most of what I use is to make their lifes more comfortable or to do fun things, including her life. Recently I bought a Chromecast, so there wouldn't be cables lying around to hook the TV to the computer. Her phone recognizes the chromecast and that disturbs her deeply. She bought tablets and a computer for the kids sooner than I thought it was right. She's on the phone more often than me. So the only technology that bothers her, is the one I use.

The other thing that bothered her a lot is a pendrive that I lend her that could be hook to her phone via micro USB. She had told me that the only thing that distracted her was some TV show. So I took the time to download about 10 episodes for her, and gave it to her in that pendrive. She said that gadget has deleted the pictures on her phone, which is totally unrelated. When I offered to save her pictures from the SD card, she went ballistic, that was last night.

So it seems everything nice I try to do for her, turns against me. I'm an honest guy and I'm constantly worried about how my actions look, and what she could think, because she thinks I'm a sneaky bstrd and a cheater. Now I have to add "a little sadistic" to the list.

She's saying she's gonna ask her sister to take them for a while (A sister (drug abuser) that has backstab them again and again). She's said that kind of thing countless times. I'm at a point that if she leaves for real, so be it. I love her, but I'm really tired about being treated like an enemy when I don't have a life, and I give everything to them.

I'm sorry for the rant, but I was about to explode today, and I needed to tell someone. I must seek therapy for myself, but it's not available at the moment. Thanks for listening.

[JoeBPD81]

Thank you for listening and for your kind responses.